The world is filled with thousands of different personalities. And we all have to coexist. We have to figure it out. We have to either decide to get along with people who are completely different from us or not. We can let these people make us miserable. Or we can accept them for who they are. It’s a fine line. And it isn’t always easy.
In my experience and at my age, I have pretty much dealt with just about all types. I, myself, like to say I’m more upbeat than not. I am laid back, loud, definitely obnoxious but yet a tad bit shy. I have the patience of a 2 year old trying to unwrap a lollipop. I can also become very angry if I am pushed too far. But to my credit, I have to be really pushed. Like off a cliff.
I work with all types of people. Most of them are young. 2 or 3 are about my age. A couple are my father’s age. In all honesty, I like them all. Even the weird ones. The cranky ones. The moody ones. Because they are human beings. And under the crank, mood and weird, there is good.
At My Retail Job a couple of days ago, I was pushed off a cliff. A very high cliff. It ended with me saying some very unkind things, loudly, in the middle of the store. With customers around (I think…I had on my rage blinders, so I can’t say for sure). One of my other coworkers was trying his damndest to get me to settle down, bless his heart. Needless to say, it didn’t work. After threatening to quit, I stormed off shaking like an oak tree caught in a hurricane.
Unfortunately for me and for whoever is at the other end, once that switch is flipped it’s very, very difficult for me to use any sense whatsoever. It all goes out the window. All of it. DH and I have had a disagreement or two in public, and I have been very vocal about it. He has better sense than I do. He keeps his mouth closed until we get home. Me? The entire world pretty much sees what an ass I am. I do the same thing with The Kid. Every single time I regret it. For days. Every apology in the world just doesn’t make me feel better.
So yesterday when this person — let’s call him/her “Pat” — pushed me over that edge, I lost it. Without giving too many details, Pat was a bit too derogatory and condescending for my taste. Maybe it’s my own insecurities that got the best of me. But I do not like being spoken to like a 5 year old. It just doesn’t sit with me well. There is a way to speak to people. To communicate. With that being said, I was less than professional in return. Which also sounds suspiciously like not communicating. Hmmm. I do happen to see the error of my ways. And am accountable for them.
Which made me do this when I got into work this morning: apologize to the coworker who was trying to calm me down. Because he did not deserve that. And apologize to my manager. I even tried to apologize to Pat. Not for being angry, but for behaving unprofessionally. Because I deserved to feel angry. And no one can take that away from me. I took the high road. “Pat” does not see the error of her/his ways. But that’s okay. Pat has to live in this world with him/herself. I did, however, make it very, VERY clear that I will not be spoken to in that manner ever again. Right now, Pat is not speaking to me. I think it’s for the best.
My Retail Job is not a big deal in the big picture. It will not be forever. It gives me something to do while The Kid is off doing things that really does not require my help. But I feel like I’m contributing. It may be a little. And when I say “a little”, I mean a puny little. This job also gives me confidence. I can call it mine. And I happen to like it. Right now, I have to coexist with this person. I have to make it work because I spend more than half my week there. So, I will repeat after me…”I am filled with love, forgiveness and peace.” This I can do. Let’s just hope there are no cliffs.