A Sight for Sore Eyes

3 weeks ago I went for my annual eye appointment.  l did the usual testing with one thing different. Instead of the “eye drop that makes you blurry” test they took a picture instead.  What they found looked something like this:


Except my spot was a lot bigger.

Me: What is that?

Doctor:  I don’t know.  This isn’t my specialty. It can be anything from an infection to a melanoma. If it’s a melanoma that could be bad. You need to go see an eye doctor.

Ok, hold on a minute.  I thought he was an eye doctor. Apparently in my 45 years of living, I never realized the difference between an optometrist and an ophthalmologist.

So, for another 3 weeks I had visions of some bad shit running through my noggin.  I pictured my tumor getting bigger and bigger by the day.  I even started to “feel” it.  I thought of them having to remove my eyeball. Well, at least my little nephew would now have a real pirate to play with.

So, I go to the eye doctor and go through the routine testing.  Again.  After 2 hours, I find out what the prognosis is.  Are you ready?  Drum roll please…

A birthmark.  Yup.  It’s a freaking birthmark.  In other words, a freckle.  Well, good.  That is good, right?  Yes.  But it doesn’t make for very interesting story telling.  I mean, I’m glad I’m not dying or anything.  But it could have been something a little more fun.  Like possibly a virus or something.  Something.  But a freckle?

So, I do leave the appointment feeling relieved I’m going to live.  The fact that I’m not dying is a good reason for a celebration so I stop off for some wine.  I notice that people are looking at me.  No, I mean everybody.  Looking at me.  I don’t get looked at that often anymore so I was curious to see what was the attraction.  Did I leave some lunch on my face?  So I look in the mirror and see this:


I look like Night of the Living Dead. Gross.  I forgot those drops made your pupils as big as the black hole.  The lady at the doctor’s office told me to wear sunglasses even though it was dark out.  Now I know why.

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