Airplane Food: Not Quite Fit for a Flounder

Have you ever eaten something so deplorable it shouldn’t even be considered edible, let alone pass the stringent testing of the FDA?

I have. And more than likely, so have you.

My family and I recently came back from a trip to Ireland. Everything about our excursion was amazing.

Except for one thing.

The airlplane food.

I have flown dozens of times in my fifty-one years of life. Starting when I was a little girl at the age of four when my dad would take me up in his rented Cessna 150.

I love to fly. I find it exhilarating, freeing, and beyond all else, adventurous.

I love that one short flight can take you to places you’ve read about in books, and dreamed of in, well, your dreams.

I love almost everything about it. Except one thing.

The food.

It’s a well-known fact that airplane food is not good. This is nothing new. Whether you’ve flown or not, everyone knows this to be true. Airplane food has a bad reputation.

And for good reason.

I’m not sure if it’s better in First Class as I’ve only flown that way once when we were coming back from Orlando, Florida. That is a long story that ends with one happy husband who found this to be the highlight of our trip.

You either love Disney, or you hate it. There is no middle ground. I suppose you can take a gander as to the direction DH went in.

Anyway, who taste tests this crap? A barnyard pig? Because that’s what it reminds me of — slop.

We booked a flight on Norwegian, a very budget conscious airline. They are no frills. There are no screens set into the backs of the seats, there is no place to plug in your earphones, they don’t have music. There is no place to pay for wi-fi.

I get it. We got round-trip nonstop tickets to Ireland for a really good price. They have to cut expenses somewhere. We don’t get a movie. So what? That’s what Kindles and iPads are for.

We certainly weren’t expecting food. So, when they announced that the flight attendants would be serving dinner, we were quite surprised. And to make matters better, we had a choice.

On the menu that fine evening was Chicken with Spinach, and Stuffed Shells. Wine was included, with a refill. I was in my glory. “Free” wine with dinner. What could be better?

The food, that’s what. The food could be better. But that’s already been determined.

The Kid and DH asked for the chicken. I requested the stuffed shells. The good thing about airplane food is you don’t have to wait. The bad things is — say it with me — it sucks.

As we removed the foil tightly wrapped around our culinary delights, the smell hit us like a boy’s locker room after a Friday night football game at the local high school.

There are two things in this photo that are good. Can you name them? Hint: one is wine and one is a book.
There are two things in this photo that are good. Can you name them? Hint: one is wine and one is a book.

My shells had enough sauce to feed a small family of fireflies.

As for the chicken?

All I can say is at least I could muster up the energy to take more than one bite of my meal. The chicken was inedible based on sight alone.

I could actually hear the collective gagging of the passengers. Even at 30,000 feet, over the loud humming of the engines.

I had the pleasure of catching a glimpse of the boy child across the isle from us as he took a bite of his chicken. The look on his face was pure disgust. I laughed in spite of myself. You know, because it was sad funny. It played out like a bad dramedy.

Ahh, life. It’s just so complicated. Especially when airline food is involved.

All I can say is, thank god for the wine. Wine fixes everything. Even slop.

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