If you’ve noticed, I haven’t been posting much. When I started out, I was posting once a day. Now? Twice a month if I’m lucky. What gives? I’ll tell you what gives.
I got a job. It’s a little retail job. A little freaking retail job. Sometimes I put in 20 hours a week sometimes I put in 39. Still, I can’t figure it all out. Work and exercise have been put near the top of my priority list. My house? Holy Crudola. Please don’t come here unannounced. Because if you do, I’m not responsible for what you may contract. Like Malaria. Or something nasty along those lines. I have dust so thick I could probably knit a blanket. Christmas is 5 months away. I’m taking orders now.
But I wasn’t talking about not cleaning my house. I was talking about not writing. My problem is…here goes: I Cannot Multi-Task. There I said it. I cannot multi-task. Is there a support group for this problem? “Multi-taskless Women?” I know. I’m putting our name to shame. I think I used to be able to do it. Maybe not. Maybe I’ve pretended all these years. Yes. I think I’ve been living a lie.
So, at this late stage in the game, I’m trying to figure it out. Cooking, shopping, cleaning, exercising, working, running around one child, one little child, writing, returning phone calls and projects that have been waiting to get done for months. Some of them years. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve lost touch with reality. I’ve come so far on so many levels, but can’t seem to fit in the time to write and clean.
What do I do? Stay up until 1am to write. So what if I can’t stand at work? I don’t think they’ll notice. And my house? I may have some time in September. All guests welcome then. Oh, wait. I think you should call first. I’ll meet you in the yard. Just bring a chair.
I told you in my post the other day that I took a job in retail. I applied for, and landed a job in a local store whose hours are ridiculously long. Why I didn’t apply for something like a wholesale store, is beyond me. I am 46. Working until close to midnight should be a thing of the past. Maybe eventually, I will start to feel young. Could this turn out to be a Fountain of Youth? Possibly.
Here are some reasons how I know I may be too old for My Retail Job:
Some of my co-workers and even some of my up-line could possibly be my children.
When I wake up the day after a late shift, I would swear a Mack truck got a bit off track, drove through the wall of my bedroom and ran directly over my body. I’m sure I didn’t actually hear it coming because I was in an over-worked-induced coma.
I can’t seem to keep up after a co-worker who is about a foot and a half shorter than I am no matter how fast I walk and/or run.
I have difficulty hoisting myself up to reach the top shelf by standing on the bottom shelf. I’m pretty sure I’m breaking some kind of code during the attempt anyway. Hope the Retail Police don’t get me.
It took me 2 weeks to memorize my 8 digit employee number. Because I suffer from short term memory loss. Because I am old.
I can’t remember which locker I put my pocketbook in half the time. Last week, I had to work my code on about a dozen of them before I finally found it. No, not embarrassing at all.
The thought of me having to carry around a walkie-talkie and possibly speak into it makes me want my mommy. Then, well, I need to grow up. Maybe my fountain is starting to work?
I couldn’t figure out what that thing is on my nightstand that was making a heinous sound and waking me up. After I realized it was my alarm clock, I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. Even though I’ve had it for 17 years. Again, over-worked-induced coma.
When I sneezed last week, I peed my pants. I peed my pants at work. Not an easy feat to try and cover up. I know this can and does happen anywhere and anytime, but I had to get a Pee story in here somehow.
Even though I feel like I am past my peak for holding this position at this retail establishment, I am enjoying it. Really. And The Fountain of Youth theory? What’s the matter? It COULD happen.
I have been looking for a position that utilizes my skills as an administrative assistant for a long time. The problem is, there doesn’t seem to be anything available. I was starting to feel a little self-conscious. Is it my age? My lack of work experience these past few years as I was home raising my child? Or the fact that most admin positions I applied for required at least an Associates Degree?
My parents always said my nonchalant attitude about school would bite me in the ass. I can still hear their voices — “You really should try to do better in school, you’ll be sorry one day.” “You are wrong and I don’t care” was my generic response. I was having way too much fun cutting class, getting into trouble and well, having fun. Who needs an education? It turns out I needed an education.
I feel like I am limited to what I can do because of my lack of education. (Unlike Paul simon, my lack of education is hurting me some. Too bad I can’t sing or take good pictures.) Hence, I have spent the last 15 years shoving the education thing down the kids throat. I made a game of it. Up until her first day of pre-school I made her believe it was The Most Fun Ever. Going to school to learn was going to be better than playing a game of Cherry-O’s. Me, the girl who bragged if she got anything higher than a “D” on a test, was telling her 4 year old that school is better than a ride at Disney World.
And she actually believed me. She takes school pretty seriously. As for me, I know it’s not too late. My bestie — mid-forty something — just graduated from Nursing School. I am in awe of her. She is my hero. But I shall live vicariously through her. Because even though I may preach it, I do not want to practice it. For me, I have missed the boat. For me, school is not a ride at Disney World.
So, I found a job. It is not an admin job. I’ve kinda given up on that for now. I’m doing something I haven’t done in close to 30 years. And it’s called Retail. Stay tuned and I’ll tell you more about it. Just so you know, that’s why I haven’t been blogging. Because I’m exhausted. So go to school kids. You will need that education. I get the feeling you will need it for everything. And I mean everything.
In my previous life (exactly 14.7 years ago), I was “PowerPoint Extraordinaire.” I could pump out slides with charts, transitions and animations in no time flat. So when my employment agent called to say there was a fabulous position open for me with tons of PPT presentation work, I jumped at the chance.
But there was a catch. I had to be proficient in PowerPoint 10. I would have to know it backwards, forwards, inside and out. I would have to eat and drink it. And I would have exactly 62 hours in which to do so, if I didn’t include sleeping.
“No problem,” I said to him, “I got this.” So, I proceed to my computer where I download a free version and get to working. Luckily for me, I was able to score a cheat sheet for the test that I have to take. A timed test.
So the first round? Well, it only took me two hours to do slide number 1. Slide number 2 & 3…I skipped. I kinda was able to do number 4. And 5, 6, 7? Forget it. So I took a break and poured myself a glass of wine.
The second round? Yeah, that was spent watching 2 episodes of House Hunters with DH and another glass of wine. Because drinking wine is much easier than trying to make a pie chart. And the test? It turns out you only get a half an hour. They are looking for Flash Gordon. I think they called the wrong number.