Category Archives: Friends & Family

Scary Mean Friend

I completely missed Throwback Thursday this week.  I guess my birthday celebration in the city threw me off.  Well, better late than never.

I was perusing the internet for some blog posting ideas when I came across this one:  What is the funniest or meanest prank you ever played on someone.  And it made me think of one incident when I was about 13.

My BFF at the time was Stacey.  We were pretty much inseparable. She lived about a mile from my house and we would meet “halfway” almost every day.  We even had babysitting gigs right next door to each other.  The parents of the kids we sat for were friends and often went out together.  As was the case this one particular evening.

While babysitting, we would call each other on the phone and chat all night long.  Hey, we only got a buck an hour. What did you expect?  Mary Poppins?  I don’t remember it word for word, but here is about how the conversation went:

Me: Hi Stacey, don’t be too freaked out but there is a man in a black cape and mask walking around your yard.
Stacey:  WHAT?  Oh my God!  What?
Me:  Yeah, he’s really creepy looking.  I saw him looking in the back door.
Stacey:  Holy shit.  Holy crap.  Holy Mother of God.  Help me.  Oh my God, what am I going to do?
Me:  I don’t know!  Oh my God, now he’s going around to the front!!
Stacey:  {sob, sob, sob,  sniff, sniff}  I’m.really.scared. (at this point the girl is completely freaked out bad.  Real bad.)
Me:  Where are you right now?
Stacey:  Behind the refrigerator.

It is at this point I figured I better let her in on the joke or she will die of a heart attack.  I told her I was messing with her between my bouts of laughter.  I was a terrific friend.  I think all teenage girls should have a friend like me.  God Bless Stacey for putting up with me for so long.  She was really relieved and really forgiving.

So, if you want to be my friend, I promise not to play jokes on you.  I’ve kind of outgrown that.  Kind of.

Things I Learned/Saw On Mommy’s Day Out

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Happy Birthday To Us!

I love the city.  I think I was a city girl in a previous life.  I could live there.  I could work there.  It’s as if I have been displaced.  There is nothing about the city I dislike.  Well, except maybe Times Square.

Every time I go, I learn something new.  It’s kinda like your spouse.  You could be together for 26 years and think you know it all, then discover something new about them.  It’s kind of cool.

Yesterday I went into the Big Apple with my best girlfriend.  It was a combo birthday celebration. Her birthday is March, mine is April.  It was a perfect day.  Here are some things we saw and/or learned:

  • That men like to drink beer on the train at 9am.  We did not get the memo.  But we are not men.  So, well, never mind.

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  • You excitedly and spur of the moment purchase tickets to see an off-broadway play called “Happy Birthday” because you think it just has to be, and then realize you made a mistake when no one there is under the age of 70.  4 words:  Read The Reviews First.
  • The cops on Canal Street are on to the vendors.  And the vendors have no problem snatching a bag out of your hand and pushing you out the door if one shows up.
  • That you will feel like a druggy if you spend too much time on Canal Street.  If you’ve ever been, you know what I mean.
  • That the lady ticket taker on the train hates her job and she lets you know it by slamming her big booty into you every time she walks past your seat.
  • New Yorkers don’t like it when you text during a play.  Even if it was just once.  Inside your purse.  And aren’t afraid to let you know it in their very nice New York’ish way.
  • Gay men like to be open about their sexuality.  Like really open.
  • Complete strangers of the female persuasion have no problem asking if you will give them a back massage.  I think they were with the gay men.
  • When you buy knock-off Tory Burch flats, make sure you look at them before you travel 2 hours to go back home.
  • Chinatown has practically taken over Little Italy.  What’s a girl gotta do to get some fresh pasta around here? (Yes, I blew the diet. But it was for a good cause.)
  • Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. plays “Forrest Gump” continuously on their TVs.  The bartenders hate it. What the bartenders don’t hate is making one kick-ass Hurricane.  (Warning: the food sucks so just go for the Hurricanes which is what we did.)
  • Drug addicts coming down from heroin like to sleep on the subway standing up and they use each other for support.  Aww, how cute. (Not that I know what coming down from heroin looks like, but if they were coming down from heroin, that’s what I believe it would look like.)
  • “Smith’s Bar” makes the best nachos and margaritas (I TOTALLY blew the diet).  Who knew?  $5 drinks during happy hour. Well, except the margaritas. Of course.

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  • You will blow through $200 in 30 seconds.  But I already knew that.  Just sayin’.

So, in a nutshell, I love me my NYC and hope to continue to learn new things about her.  Who wants to go for some Bubba Gump Hurricanes?  I’m buying.

Won’t You Be My Friend?

10 things you need to know about me before you become my friend:

  1. I pee when I laugh too hard.  I’ve been known to run to the toilet and pee through my pants to save a carpet.  Just ask my best girlfriend P (“P”.  Haha).
  2. I love to eat.  I am capable of breaking the diets of close friends because I am a really bad influence.  Even if you think you are focused.  I’m not kidding.  Let that be your warning.
  3. I can be a bit of a hypochondriac.  Remember my eye dotty thing?  I really thought I would die and started planning my funeral in my head.  It was beautiful.
  4. I am laid back but prone to anxiety attacks (isn’t that an oxymoron?).  Mainly because I’ve eaten a pound of nachos with a shitload of sour cream for dinner and I’m afraid I will keel over of a heart attack in my sleep.
  5. Don’t tell my mother but I would prefer to watch The Housewives of NYC than the State of the Union speech.
  6. I am peri-menopausal and will wake up in a pool of sweat deeper than the pool at the “Y”.
  7. I have the memory of a goldfish.  You will find that out if you make plans with me and I forget.
  8. I suffer from FIMD — Foot in Mouth Disease.  I am extremely inappropriate, loud mouthed and obnoxious.  You never know what will come out of my mouth so beware.
  9. I snore.   Bring a pair of earplugs if you stay over because otherwise you will think someone is cutting wood with a jackhammer.  DH hasn’t slept since 1992.
  10. I think Robert Redford is hot even though he is so old he is moldy.  Oh, Hubbell.

Even after knowing all that, I hope you still will be my friend.  I’m really putting myself out there.  What do I need to know to be your friend?

Smile, You’re On Candid Camera

DH has this fixation with wildlife. He gets overly excited whenever he sees anything, including deer, walk through our yard.

For Christmas, my parents gave him a camera to capture this wildlife. He has it hung out in the back woods on a tree.  It’s motion detected so whenever something walks by, it snaps a picture. He is hoping to capture photos of coyote, red fox and even better…a big bad wolf.

Every few days he puts on his boots and coat and runs out there like a little boy on Christmas morning to pluck out the memory card.  He anxiously awaits while the pictures upload to his laptop.

It’s been about 6 weeks, and so far this is pretty much all he’s gotten.

SUNP0012

Poor guy. I mean the deer.  His curiosity must have momentarily blinded him and totally freaked him out.

As for DH, keep on trekkin’.  I’m sure you’ll hit pay dirt sooner or later.

In the meantime, I probably should buy stock in Duracell.