Round Peg in a Square Hole

Today, after school, the kid and I went to the store to return a gift she had received.  I saw the perfect parking spot.  Here’s the only problem:

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Sure, when I was 19 and weighed all but 98 pounds.  Not so much for a middle-aged woman who’s middle has gone south with the geese and who’s as flexible as a 90 year old gymnast.

I thought for a minute.  I guess I can always just park somewhere else.  Nah, the kid is already outside waiting for me.  It would be way too much trouble.

I proceed to haul my fat ass across the middle console and over the passenger seat so I can exit the vehicle.  Oh, I know what you’re thinking.  Well, it didn’t go as smoothly as all that.  Here’s proof because my sweet daughter took it upon herself to snap some photos.  Stupid iPhone.

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After losing a shoe and a little pee, I made it.  But I can promise you, that will never be attempted again.  You have my word.

Man-equin

While at my local mall the other day, I saw this in the men’s department of Macy’s:

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Good God, what do these dummies do after store hours?  I tried to figure out his story.
First of all, what’s with the guy behind him?  Never mind, I don’t think I want to know.
So, maybe he got this way by trying to change his pants?  After all, look at that color.  Poor guy.  It’s bad enough he doesn’t have a head.
Then I looked again.  Really looked…and thought, “What the hell is the matter with me?  How did I miss it?”  Right there in the open too.  I guess it just goes to show they are all the same, human or plastic.  Even if it means losing a limb…or two.