Dress Down


See this dress?  I wore it to death. It was long, almost to my ankles, had a cute little belt and buttons that started half way down my back and went all the way to the bottom.  I adored this dress.

I used to have to commute about 45 minutes one way to work.  I worked for a big corporation in White Plains.  It was fun, but the days were long.  One evening, after I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that Dan from across the street was hanging out with my brother on the front porch.  Oh joy.  He’s such an asshole.  I was not in the mood to deal with him.

After I collected my things from my car and walked up the stairs to the house, Dan says to me “nice ass.”  Gee, thanks Dan.  You’re an asshole.  And yes, I do have a nice ass.  Thank you very much.

I go into the house and continue on to my room to change.  I reach behind me to unbutton my dress and the blood immediately leaves my face.  Holy shit!  I have just died.  They are already undone.  From the top button all the way to the bottom.  The asshole got a nice shot of my butt.  My thonged butt.  Thank God pantyhose were in at the time.  At least they covered up something.

I figured that they must have come loose in the car.  This is what happens when you love something to death.  It doesn’t pay to be loyal.  You just get shit on.  The button holes must have stretched out after about a million wears.  It was time to retire my beloved dress.  I did love you so.  Well, until you did this to me.

So, that was a major wardrobe malfunction to say the least.  I would say second to Janet Jackson’s ordeal.  Except I didn’t do mine on purpose.  I swear.

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2 Replies to “Dress Down”

  1. Hi! I just started reading your blog today. Of course I started at the beginning and am working my way to the top. found you from reading Not Your Average Mom blog.

    I had a blog and really looked forward to comments and noticed that not many people comment when you ask for other peoples experiences so I thought I would tell you my embarrassing story even though it is a couple years after you asked….

    At the time, I was the manager of a café inside a factory. I was on my way of the plant for the day when I stopped at the ladies room. I ALWAYS used the seat protector tissue paper at that place. I did my thing and left. Walked past several rows of people running machines (10 to 15 people) and out the door. Went a crossed the parking lot passed huge windows with people working in offices…and got in the car and left. I had to return something to Wal- mart so I went there and walked from the back of the parking lot all the way in and passed 8 to 10 check out lanes all the way to customer service and waited patiently in a long line. When it was finally my turn I went up to the desk and someone came up behind me and whispered in my ear that I had part of the tissue paper sticking out of the waistband of my pants. I was MORTIFIED!!!! It was not a small piece but almost all of the seat cover!!! I know, I know..it was not my bare thonged butt, but I am EXTREMELY conservative and thought I was going to die of embarrassment!!!! How many people saw this and said nothing???? I can laugh at this now but I swore I would never go back to work..but I did. I work somewhere else now. 🙂

    1. Renee, your comment made me laugh so hard! I just pictured a butt with a horse-shaped, large piece of tissue hanging off of it walking all over the place completely oblivious! What a sight! Lol! Love your story, even though you were embarrassed, I have to say it’s pretty damn funny! And I’m so glad you found me! Thanks so much for taking the time to read all my blogs, that means a lot to me 🙂

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