Liquid Gold

550px-Relieve-Stuffy-Nose-in-Toddlers-Step-4I have a love affair with nasal decongestant spray.  AKA Afrin.  Zicam.  Vicks.   Who cares what the name of it is, it’s what is inside that counts.  Like my Oxi Clean, this liquid is a miracle.  And I absolutely, positively CANNOT live without it.  God bless the inventor.  Johnson & Johnson or whoever.  God bless you.

I am currently suffering from a mean head cold.  And every single night for the past few nights, as I’m trying to fall asleep, one or both of my nostrils closes up like a sphincter during a rectal exam.  Some people will sit up in bed praying for some air to get into their swollen membranes, some will put on one of those strip things.  Some will hold their head over a pot of boiling water.  None of that helps me.  Not at all.

So I have to go straight to the good stuff.  Pulling no punches.  Why waste time sniffing in steam when I can sniff in some instant gratification?  But be careful, because “they” say it can be addicting.  I make sure I only do it once every 24 hours and then stop after about a week.  Which is how long my colds usually last.  If it goes longer, well, then, I cannot tell a lie.  My Afrin stays on my bedside table.  Within my reach.  Just in case.

When I was pregnant, DH was a little anal about what I put in my body.  Sometimes it worked in my favor.  He didn’t want me inhaling chemicals.  Which meant no cleaning bathrooms for 9 months.  He was freaked out about nitrates too.  So anytime I had a craving for a ham sandwich, I had to go underground and ingest one illegally.

Pregnancies typically last 9 months.  I usually get a cold once a year.  So what are the chances I would get a cold while I was pregnant?  Well, I don’t know because I’m not good at math but my chances were pretty good.  During this cold I had while I was pregnant, I needed a dose of nasal decongestant.  I had to wait until DH was asleep.  This was not an easy task because he is not much of a sleeper.  I tiptoed to the bathroom to my private stash.  Not only did I have to flush the toilet, but I had to run the water as well, as I squeezed 1 shot up each nostril.  Ahhh.  Sweet, sweet relief.

Hey, don’t judge me.  I’m usually a 2-3 shot user.  Anyway, did I feel guilty?  No.  Not really.  Because it was only a little bit.  And besides, a pregnant wife who can breathe freely is a happy wife.  And we all know what happens when pregnant wives are happy, don’t we?  Well, me neither.  But I do know my nose is stuffy, so I have to go.  I have some business to attend to.  See you on the dark side.

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