Why do I apologize for everyfreakingthing? When someone bumps into me, I am the one who says “I’m sorry.” If someone says to me that they have a headache, I say “I’m sorry.” If someone gets in my way, it’s always “oh, I’m sorry.” It’s irritating. There are other, more important things to say “I’m sorry” for.
I remember being a school age kid and letting other kids cut me in the cafeteria line at lunch. “Can I get in front of you?” “Yes, please. Go ahead. In fact, why doesn’t the whole school get in front of me because I really don’t need to eat today.” Even now, if someone is in a rush and wants to get ahead of me in line at the grocery store, I let them. You know what? No. No, you cannot get in front of me. My time is just as important as yours so the answer is “No.” Oh, but I can’t do that. Because that wouldn’t be nice. Then I would feel like a total and complete bitch for an entire week. But I can behave in other bitch-like ways and be fine with it?
Back in January, I started turning over a new leaf. Like major. I went from a Crab Apple to an Oak. It is taking months, but I’m getting there. I am a work in progress. It started with this blog. Then I changed my poor eating habits. I began exercising. I lost a shitload of weight. I got a job. So, in less than a year, I discovered a talent I never knew I had, got healthy and became an active participant in contributing to my family on a monetary level. You know what else I discovered? That I am not perfect. I have been judgmental. Participated and believed in rumors. Maybe made fun of someone for a laugh. Said something that was hurtful to another person or to someone else about that person. Every one of us has done at least one of the above-mentioned things. At some point in our lives. Because it’s human nature. But it doesn’t make it right.
Too many people don’t take accountability for their actions. They don’t apologize. And I’m not talking about bumping into someone at Shop Rite either. They don’t apologize for doing or saying something hurtful to you or even worse, behind your back. Spreading rumors, or just being plain mean. We would have more respect for people who will admit that they are human. That they made a mistake. They said or did something that wasn’t so nice. Said or did something that was hurtful. And that includes me.
As part of turning into an Oak, I am learning to be a better person. Be less judgmental. Not participate in gossip. Not believing rumors. It’s a constant battle. To be aware. So, for anyone that I was judgmental toward, said something that was inappropriate or was not my business, I apologize. For allowing myself to believe rumors and perpetuating these rumors by helping to spread them, I apologize. I am so sorry for anything I did or said to hurt you. Truly. I was wrong. And I am really sorry.
I want to be accountable for my actions. All of the above is mean and ugly behavior. I do not like it when others act this way. So why would I? It would be so nice if everyone followed suit. It would make such a difference.
Integrity. That’s what we need to have. Integrity. If every human had integrity, the world would be a better place. I’m working on my integrity. And as for apologizing when I get bumped into? I probably will always do that. No matter how annoying it is.