Tag Archives: babysitting

The Case of the Ninja Children

I have a friend who has 7 children.  SEVEN.  It’s not like I never heard of that before.  My dad is one of 7.  His parents are from Irish Catholic descent.  They did not believe in birth control.  This is the 21st century.  I didn’t think people still did things like this.  I freak out when a woman I meet tells me she has 3 children.  Seven?  Holy Hell.

Anyway, my friend had to go out of town.  I helped to sit some of her children.  With another friend.  Because that shit cannot be done alone.  I don’t care if your name is Mary-Freaking-Poppins.  For the record, I adore her kids. They are awesome.  Full of personality and life.  Amazing.  Did I get baby fever (or toddler fever)?  Almost.  But then I realized that if I still had a uterus, it most likely would have jumped right out of my body.  I’m seriously not sure I could do that all over again.  Actually, I’m AM sure I couldn’t do that all over again.

This friend of seven has a blog.  I have spoken about her before (www.not-your-average-mom.com).  She’s funny.  She’s real.  She says it like it is.  She doesn’t hold any punches.  When her kids get into something (which is quite often), she documents it.  Shares it with the world.  There are haters out there.  People who say shit like, “you should be watching your kids more closely.”  Blah, blah, blah.  I do not judge her.  I am a mother of one.  And I remember when The Kid was a young child, sometimes crap would happen.  You could have your back turned for 3.5 seconds, and crap just happens. It just does.  I don’t care who you think you are.  It happens to all of us.  The best of us.  Even the haters.

It happened to us yesterday.  Her living room is divided in half by a sectional.  Behind the sectional is a play area.  With a rectangular kid’s table.  Her youngest child seemed to want to go back behind the couch and take a nap under this table.  My friend and I checked on her.  She was out cold.  A few minutes later her brother decided to join her.  He laid down next to her and seemed to be passed out as well.  We checked on them.  Even called out their names.  Not a flinch.  They were out like a couple of burnt out light bulbs.

We were sitting on the couch.  Not 2 feet from them.  10 minutes passed and not a sound.  Not a freaking sound.  You could hear a pin drop.  No rustling.  No nothing.  Do you understand?  Not.A.Sound.  They suddenly appear and this was our surprise:

photophoto

That is nail polish, lipstick and Lord knows what else.  The little girl had it all over her princess dress.  Her older sister (not pictured) was a bit worried that the stains would never come out.  I was absolutely amazed and although I have the utmost respect for my mother of 7 friend, the level of respect was raised by 2,000 decibels.  If that is possible.  These kids completely and utterly bamboozled us.  They deserve an Oscar.  It’s like they got together and spoke in their toddler speak or something.  I can hear them now, “Show’s on mo-fo’s.  Let’s blow their minds.”

We sat there completely dumbfounded.  These children are Ninja’s.  They are stealth.  They are like nothing I have ever seen in my life.  They have their craft down to a science.  Seriously.  That is some crazy crap.  I hope they do some good with that someday.  Because it is a gift. A real gift.

When I got home, I sat on the couch and fell into a deep sleep.  A coma-like sleep.  My daughter had to nudge me because I was snoring.  At 4 in the afternoon.  An 8 hour shift at My Retail Job doesn’t exhaust me as much as watching those beautiful children for 4 hours.  Phew.  With that being said, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Great experience.  Good job, Friend of 7.  Good job.

Scary Mean Friend

I completely missed Throwback Thursday this week.  I guess my birthday celebration in the city threw me off.  Well, better late than never.

I was perusing the internet for some blog posting ideas when I came across this one:  What is the funniest or meanest prank you ever played on someone.  And it made me think of one incident when I was about 13.

My BFF at the time was Stacey.  We were pretty much inseparable. She lived about a mile from my house and we would meet “halfway” almost every day.  We even had babysitting gigs right next door to each other.  The parents of the kids we sat for were friends and often went out together.  As was the case this one particular evening.

While babysitting, we would call each other on the phone and chat all night long.  Hey, we only got a buck an hour. What did you expect?  Mary Poppins?  I don’t remember it word for word, but here is about how the conversation went:

Me: Hi Stacey, don’t be too freaked out but there is a man in a black cape and mask walking around your yard.
Stacey:  WHAT?  Oh my God!  What?
Me:  Yeah, he’s really creepy looking.  I saw him looking in the back door.
Stacey:  Holy shit.  Holy crap.  Holy Mother of God.  Help me.  Oh my God, what am I going to do?
Me:  I don’t know!  Oh my God, now he’s going around to the front!!
Stacey:  {sob, sob, sob,  sniff, sniff}  I’m.really.scared. (at this point the girl is completely freaked out bad.  Real bad.)
Me:  Where are you right now?
Stacey:  Behind the refrigerator.

It is at this point I figured I better let her in on the joke or she will die of a heart attack.  I told her I was messing with her between my bouts of laughter.  I was a terrific friend.  I think all teenage girls should have a friend like me.  God Bless Stacey for putting up with me for so long.  She was really relieved and really forgiving.

So, if you want to be my friend, I promise not to play jokes on you.  I’ve kind of outgrown that.  Kind of.