I have bushy eyebrows. Bushy to the point where a weed wacker is in order. They are thick and dark. Even though I am naturally blonde.
My mother was kind enough to hand these furry beasts down to me. Here is her senior class picture:
I know. They don’t look bad. That’s because she shaved them completely off and this is the regrowth. If you look closely, you can see the bald, uneven spots. She was also blind in one eye that day. She says that was the start of a lifetime of migraines. Or she slipped with the razor.
Here I am at my bushiest:
Not too bad from this vantage point. But on closer inspection you would have noticed that they are growing up, down and all around. My mother pointed that out to me about 14 years ago. She should talk.
So, I started tweezing. I plucked the freaking hell out of those bush balls. I didn’t pluck them all the way off, but I may as well have. They were baldy, sparse and they didn’t match.
My plucking turned to waxing which turned to threading. No, threading does not entail people threading fake eyebrows on, which is what I thought it was when I first heard the word. It involves 2 pieces of floss-like string. This string is twisted and used to pluck out a line of hair. The pain ranks right up there with scrubbing your face with an acid wash. I choose to thread because believe it or not, it’s less abrasive than waxing. I don’t walk around looking like I have diaper rash on my face for 5 days with threading, like I did when I waxed.
Anyway, I went too far those years ago. I see women in Hollywood with beautifully shaped eyebrows and know I will never have them. Because I plucked my hair follicles to the point of murder. I am green with eyebrow envy.
You know where my brow follicles seem to have appeared? Anywhere between my neck and nose. If I catch myself in the sunlight looking in the mirror, I am praying for some tweezers. Isn’t it funny how as we age the hair on our head thins, but the hair on our face, chin and neck thickens? Yes. And I’m laughing all the way to the electrolysis.