Tag Archives: diet

I’ve Lost a Bowling Ball

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I know this is me. I promise to stop soon.

Remember my post on January 22nd about how I gained a bale of hay?  Well guess what?  I’ve started to lose some of that bale of hay.  How do I know?  Let me count the ways:

  1. I can actually get my wedding bands off without the use of motor oil.
  2. When I sit, people don’t rush up to me asking when the bakery opens.
  3. I now only have enough chins to share with 1 other person instead of 4.  Sorry people.  I am a registered organ donor, not a body part donor.
  4. I can fit a kitten in my bra, WITH my boobs in it.
  5. On the subject of bras…they now ride up on me.  Even on the tightest setting.  That poses a real problem at My Retail Job.
  6. I no longer need a shoe horn to get into my jeans.
  7. When I walk across the floor, objects don’t fall off the dresser.
  8. I haven’t been mistaken for a Chicago Bears Linebacker from behind in quite some time now.
  9. There is a dot of light coming through between the upper part of my thighs.  Enough to light the head of a pin.  But light just the same.
  10. My arms stop waving about 3 seconds sooner than before.

It would seem that I have lost the size of a bowling ball that is used by an average adult male.  I don’t know.  I think that’s pretty cool.  And that bowling ball is staying where it belongs…in the lane, the alley, the gutter.  Wherever.  Just not on me.  I’m good with that.  I’m happy with that.  So happy, I could go bowling.

How I Am Getting Healthy

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Mr. Martian enjoys my elliptical more than I do, I’m afraid to say

I posted today on my Facebook page that I lost 8 pounds.  One of my followers wanted me to share how I am doing it.  Basically for me, it’s a life change.  Not a diet.  Besides having high cholesterol and suffering from reflux, I am at the stage in my life where if I don’t start taking care of myself, the kid will have a problem on her hands.  I don’t want to be her problem. I would like to control what I can.  And I would like to enjoy my Golden Years when the time comes.  With my hubby.  Who is healthy.

Let me start by saying that I am a foodie.  A major foodie.  There isn’t a food I won’t try and there isn’t much I don’t like.  I’ll even eat it if it falls on the floor, has a little mold or is a bit past the expiration date.  Remember, I hate throwing food away.  And I’m gross.

I don’t believe in fad diets.  I’ve tried them all from cabbage soup to Atkins.  And then only to have every pound plus some jump back on me within a few short weeks.  Although it took me months to lose it.  I believe it’s a conspiracy.

So here’s what I am doing.  I cut a lot of fat from my diet.  I try to eat at least my daily allowance of fruits and vegetables.  I am eating a healthy snack that I enjoy in between my meals so I’m not starving when lunch and dinner comes along.  I LOVE me my carbs but they had to be reduced.  Reduced, not cut.  I am not into depriving myself of All Things I Love. That doesn’t work for me.  Like I said, I am a foodie.  Depriving a foodie is like depriving a fish of water.  Not a good outcome.

I don’t put a crapload of food on my plate like I used to.  I had a really bad habit of eating way beyond the point of being full.  You know that feeling where you just can’t move?  It’s completely unnecessary.  I haven’t done that in over 2 months and I couldn’t be better.  And I never need to reach for my bottle of Tums anymore.  Ever.

I abhor exercise, so I chose something I know I can do and stick with.  I walk 3 miles 4-5 times a week.  Fast walking.  With some hills.  I plug my earphones into my iPhone and go to town.  Before I know it, it’s 45 minutes later and I feel great.  It’s completely invigorating.  If it’s crappy outside, I try to get on my elliptical for 30 minutes.  I hate it.  It’s boring and there is no fresh air.  But at least I’m moving.  No more excuses.  I have grown tired of excuses.

I will be happy if I could lose another 8-10 pounds.  But I know my limits.  I will never have that 120 pound body ever again and I am at peace with it.  I will not lose weight that I know isn’t realistic for me.  I don’t need to look like a super model.  The point here is to get healthy.  Besides DH likes me with curves.  And who am I to deprive him?

I Think It’s Time

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In case you are wondering, that is my chin.  Not my mother’s chin although I can see where you would make that mistake (sorry, mom).   Not Mount St. Helens.  Or a lumpy cushion.  My chin.

When did this happen?  It use to look like this:

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and like this:

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Now that I have given up wine during Lent (except on Sundays) even though technically I didn’t need to because I no longer practice the Catholic religion but do practice Lent so I will do it for Jesus, I have decided that now is as good as any to get my fat ass up and moving.  In addition to the fact that I have completely lost my neck, I want you to see that I have also lost my sweet little booty and flat stomach but gained some nice arm and back fat. I actually used to have really nice legs.  They too, are gone.  This is me at 154.6 pounds:

Day 1 - Front View

Day 1 – Front View

Day 1 - Side View

Day 1 – Side View

I know.  Don’t be jealous.  Jealousy is not very becoming.

A fellow momblogger, http://not-your-average-mom.com (if you haven’t read her blog, please do. She’s really funny) has inspired me.  She has been posting pictures of herself during her weight loss journey.  Don’t expect as good results from me so quickly because she works out A LOT.

So, I decided that in order for me to finally get moving and do something about this problem, I am going to commit to my readers.  Because if I don’t follow through I will embarrass myself and this is a small town.  I don’t want you bitches talking smack about me.  I say that in jest.  Love to you all.

I know I’m really putting myself out there.  I am being real and I am being honest.  I am sharing the bad and the ugly.  But I have zero drive and even less will power and I’m afraid if I don’t do something to make myself accountable, I will continue to be on the downward slope.  And I don’t ski.

So far today I have walked 3 miles in the freezing 25 degree weather, had a salad for lunch and drank more water than usual.  I’m off to a good start.  But it’s only day 1 and I still have to meet the girls tonight for my weekly “Monday Night with the Girls” ritual.  Wish me luck.

If you don’t mind, I will post a new pic each week to see if I’m changing for the better.  If you don’t want to look, please don’t.  I know it’s a lot to ask and I appreciate your support.  And who wants to look at me week after week?  I don’t.  That’s why I’m doing this.  Goodbye double chin.  You are no longer welcome.

McDeaf

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“Welcome to McDonalds.  Can I take your order?”  Said the guy behind the speaker.

“Yes, I’ll take a #2 meal with a sprite.  A 5-piece chicken strip meal with a water and a crispy chicken honey mustard wrap with a coke.  That’s it.  Thank you.”  Said me.

“Would you like fries with the crispy chicken wrap?”

“No thanks.”

“So, you would like a #3 meal…”

“Um, no.  Not a #3.  A #2.”

“Oh.  So you want a chicken wrap meal…”

“No, not a meal.  Just the wrap and a coke, no fries.”

“Oh, sorry.  So you want a 5-piece chicken strip meal with a water and a crispy chicken meal with a coke.  Will that be all?”

“No, I also would like the #2 meal.  With a sprite.”

(Am I being Punk’d?  I looked around for Ashton Kutcher.)

“Oh ok.  Your order comes to $15.74.  Please drive up to window #1.”

Seriously, considering the ordering process didn’t go so well, we were only missing a coke.  Like my New Year’s eve experience with bad ice, I should have known and just drove out of the parking lot.  Why do I do this to myself?  The signs were once again as strong as Popeye on 50 pounds of spinach.

I’m supposed to be on a diet anyway, right?  It looks like that just got bumped back to March.  Darn.

Happy New Year! Now May I please have a cup of Dirty Ice?

Have you ever done something even when your gut told you not to?  Yeah, well, that is my life.  But yesterday was one of those days when I really should have listened to my gut, mostly because it was my “gut” that was going to suffer.

New Year’s Eve.  An evening that is shared with very good friends.  An evening that has been a tradition for years.  As I was running around in the afternoon picking up dessert and champagne for our traditional evening with our friends, I decided to stop into a McDonald’s drive through for a wee little cheeseburger and small soda (stop judging me, it was just a SMALL).  You know, something to hold me over because Lord knows the 20 tons of appetizers that I was to be ingesting in less than 4 hours just wasn’t enough.
The traffic was a bear.  I was having a hard time making a left into the parking lot.  I was behind schedule on my errands.  I’m supposed to be eating better.  There goes that voice again, “No Mo, Not A Good Idea.”  Oh screw the voice.  I’m hungry dammit and besides I’m not starting my diet until tomorrow.
One hour and one toilet later, me and my gut were still running, but not in the way you are thinking.  I will refrain from describing what was coming out of me.  Let’s just say it definitely wasn’t rainbows and unicorns.  So, was it the burger or the ice?  I don’t know but the regret monster was working double time.  My bad decision ran through me (pardon the pun) like a freight train on crack and in a short 3 hours I was ready to party.
Guess what was the first thing I did to ring in the new year?  Perhaps it was the vodka.  Was there ice in it?