Tag Archives: diet

Weight For It – A Random Tale of the Girl With More Than One Chin

Courtesy of Pinterest somewhere

Courtesy of Pinterest somewhere (Dobardor.com to be exact)

I am at an all time high in the weight department.

fullsizeoutput_12

Me in Florida a few weeks ago. I’m wearing a fat suit on my face. I’m sure of it.

See? I told you.

See? I told you.

Ok, so I was about 24 here. Why can't I look like this again? WHY????

Ok, so I was about twenty-four years old here. But why can’t I look like this again? WHY???? God, if you let me look like this again, I’ll…oh, never mind.

I had never really had a problem with weight. When I was in high school, I could eat my lunch, all my friends’ leftovers, go home and eat Steak-umm sandwiches and Twinkies washed down with cherry Kool-Aid and still only weigh ninety-eight pounds soaking wet.

Well, it seems those days are gone.

I can no longer eat Twinkies — it turns out there isn’t a food group for chemicals anyway.

Why can’t I eat them? You know, aside from the fact that they are made of ingredients that are virtually unpronounceable, and umm, soap?

Because now they just take a detour to sit on my stomach, upper arms, and anywhere else they are not welcome.

Practically everyone I know is on Weight Watchers. I have always avoided the big WW or any other kind of weight loss program. I’ve always been in the camp of “just eat right and exercise” and you will be able to lose weight.

944552_596992317012877_739575606_n

Smack in the middle of my running days

Just over four years ago I did just that. I lost thirty pounds. I took up running and I journaled every single morsel of anything I put in my mouth.

A chocolate kiss? Twenty-two calories. A single potato chip? Fourteen.

I ran. The one thing I declared that I would never, ever do. Yet, I fell for it. Hard. I loved it. But it didn’t love me back. After a short few months into my new hobby, my meniscus tore in two places.

fullsizeoutput_9

Look ma, no Spanx!

After my surgery, I would cry tears of frustration whenever I would pass a runner. Aside from step class in the late eighties, running is the only exercise I actually enjoyed.

Anyway, I was in the best shape of my life. It took me a year to take off the weight, and a mere months to put it all back on, plus an extra five pounds for good measure.

Do you know how hard it is to lose weight once you hit fifty? Also, something happens to your middle. It grows and well, sags. It gets in the way of doing simple daily tasks. You all know what I’m talking about.

I don't know what this is, but be assured I ate it.

I don’t know what this is, but rest assured I ate it.

So, I kind of joined Weight Watchers. No, I do not go to meetings. Meetings have never been my thing. I have the app on my iPhone and I have been following it for almost a month now. They actually have pretty good recipes. DH is also on Weight Watchers, he just doesn’t know it.

And I’m down four pounds.

If I'm at a restaurant and I don't finish it, I always have to take it home. "One doggy bag to go." Except it wasn't for my dog.

Waste not, want not. And I wanted it.

The point of my blog post here is to say that I ate. I ate a lot. I always ate way more than DH does. The way I piled food on my plate, you’d think it was my last meal. Or that food was going to go out of fashion. Or a shortage was coming. Or an apocalyptic event.

I love bread

My love affair with bread.

I’m not talking vegetables and boiled chicken either. If I had a hankering for a plate of nachos, I would make some. I would stop into a McDonald’s on a whim. Not smart for someone who has struggled with genetically high cholesterol since 1986. Don’t lecture me. I know. My doctor is none too thrilled either.

When I started WW four weeks ago, I would bet I cut down my intake of

This was Buffalo Chicken dip. I made it on a whim and ate the entire thing. In one sitting. With tortilla chips.

This was Buffalo Chicken dip. I made it on a whim and ate the entire thing. In one sitting. With tortilla chips. .

food by a pound or two a day. Seriously. If I had a scale and actually weighed what I ate, I would be able to prove it to you.

For now, you’ll have to settle with eye-witnesses who can corroborate my story. And there are a lot of them so take your pick.

Again, my point is this…if I went from eating like a sumo wrestler to eating like a rabbit, why is it I only lost four pounds?

Oh, and I also cut back on my wine intake. Like, A LOT. You’d think I would have lost a ton of weight in the first week just based on the sheer volume of wine I no longer throw back.

I eat so many vegetables now, my nose is starting to twitch. And I haven’t even had so much as

All kinds of fish -- even shellfish -- are zero points. That's right, ZERO!

All kinds of fish — even shellfish — are zero points. That’s right, ZERO!

one ounce of red meat in thirty days.

I’m not saying losing a pound a week is bad. It’s a good and healthy way of losing weight. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I’m just saying, well, you know, I’m just surprised given what I’ve stopped ingesting.

Since I can’t run, I am having a difficult time getting back into the swing of exercising. Because, let’s be honest here. Exercising kind of sucks. I can always find other things that I’d rather be doing with my time.

You know, like swim with piranhas. And I can’t even swim.

The excuses I have for not going to the gym (which is FREE and three floors down from my desk at WORK), would impress even the Generation Z set.

So, I’m going to start up at the gym again. Also, I downloaded an app where they guarantee you will lose weight if you do what they tell you to do for seven minutes a day. So far, I haven’t opened it. Part of me is afraid of what will be required of me. You know, like moving. If apps could collect dust, I fear it most likely would start to resemble the elliptical in the spare room in no time.

So here I am, about day thirty. I’ll keep you posted. Hopefully, you won’t find me binge eating at the local McDonald’s. If you do, look the other way.

 

I’ve Lost a Bowling Ball

MjAxMy1kYjdhZTZhMmMzNzM0NTY2

I know this is me. I promise to stop soon.

Remember my post on January 22nd about how I gained a bale of hay?  Well guess what?  I’ve started to lose some of that bale of hay.  How do I know?  Let me count the ways:

  1. I can actually get my wedding bands off without the use of motor oil.
  2. When I sit, people don’t rush up to me asking when the bakery opens.
  3. I now only have enough chins to share with 1 other person instead of 4.  Sorry people.  I am a registered organ donor, not a body part donor.
  4. I can fit a kitten in my bra, WITH my boobs in it.
  5. On the subject of bras…they now ride up on me.  Even on the tightest setting.  That poses a real problem at My Retail Job.
  6. I no longer need a shoe horn to get into my jeans.
  7. When I walk across the floor, objects don’t fall off the dresser.
  8. I haven’t been mistaken for a Chicago Bears Linebacker from behind in quite some time now.
  9. There is a dot of light coming through between the upper part of my thighs.  Enough to light the head of a pin.  But light just the same.
  10. My arms stop waving about 3 seconds sooner than before.

It would seem that I have lost the size of a bowling ball that is used by an average adult male.  I don’t know.  I think that’s pretty cool.  And that bowling ball is staying where it belongs…in the lane, the alley, the gutter.  Wherever.  Just not on me.  I’m good with that.  I’m happy with that.  So happy, I could go bowling.

How I Am Getting Healthy

photo

Mr. Martian enjoys my elliptical more than I do, I’m afraid to say

I posted today on my Facebook page that I lost 8 pounds.  One of my followers wanted me to share how I am doing it.  Basically for me, it’s a life change.  Not a diet.  Besides having high cholesterol and suffering from reflux, I am at the stage in my life where if I don’t start taking care of myself, the kid will have a problem on her hands.  I don’t want to be her problem. I would like to control what I can.  And I would like to enjoy my Golden Years when the time comes.  With my hubby.  Who is healthy.

Let me start by saying that I am a foodie.  A major foodie.  There isn’t a food I won’t try and there isn’t much I don’t like.  I’ll even eat it if it falls on the floor, has a little mold or is a bit past the expiration date.  Remember, I hate throwing food away.  And I’m gross.

I don’t believe in fad diets.  I’ve tried them all from cabbage soup to Atkins.  And then only to have every pound plus some jump back on me within a few short weeks.  Although it took me months to lose it.  I believe it’s a conspiracy.

So here’s what I am doing.  I cut a lot of fat from my diet.  I try to eat at least my daily allowance of fruits and vegetables.  I am eating a healthy snack that I enjoy in between my meals so I’m not starving when lunch and dinner comes along.  I LOVE me my carbs but they had to be reduced.  Reduced, not cut.  I am not into depriving myself of All Things I Love. That doesn’t work for me.  Like I said, I am a foodie.  Depriving a foodie is like depriving a fish of water.  Not a good outcome.

I don’t put a crapload of food on my plate like I used to.  I had a really bad habit of eating way beyond the point of being full.  You know that feeling where you just can’t move?  It’s completely unnecessary.  I haven’t done that in over 2 months and I couldn’t be better.  And I never need to reach for my bottle of Tums anymore.  Ever.

I abhor exercise, so I chose something I know I can do and stick with.  I walk 3 miles 4-5 times a week.  Fast walking.  With some hills.  I plug my earphones into my iPhone and go to town.  Before I know it, it’s 45 minutes later and I feel great.  It’s completely invigorating.  If it’s crappy outside, I try to get on my elliptical for 30 minutes.  I hate it.  It’s boring and there is no fresh air.  But at least I’m moving.  No more excuses.  I have grown tired of excuses.

I will be happy if I could lose another 8-10 pounds.  But I know my limits.  I will never have that 120 pound body ever again and I am at peace with it.  I will not lose weight that I know isn’t realistic for me.  I don’t need to look like a super model.  The point here is to get healthy.  Besides DH likes me with curves.  And who am I to deprive him?

I Think It’s Time

photo

In case you are wondering, that is my chin.  Not my mother’s chin although I can see where you would make that mistake (sorry, mom).   Not Mount St. Helens.  Or a lumpy cushion.  My chin.

When did this happen?  It use to look like this:

photo

and like this:

photo

Now that I have given up wine during Lent (except on Sundays) even though technically I didn’t need to because I no longer practice the Catholic religion but do practice Lent so I will do it for Jesus, I have decided that now is as good as any to get my fat ass up and moving.  In addition to the fact that I have completely lost my neck, I want you to see that I have also lost my sweet little booty and flat stomach but gained some nice arm and back fat. I actually used to have really nice legs.  They too, are gone.  This is me at 154.6 pounds:

Day 1 - Front View

Day 1 – Front View

Day 1 - Side View

Day 1 – Side View

I know.  Don’t be jealous.  Jealousy is not very becoming.

A fellow momblogger, http://not-your-average-mom.com (if you haven’t read her blog, please do. She’s really funny) has inspired me.  She has been posting pictures of herself during her weight loss journey.  Don’t expect as good results from me so quickly because she works out A LOT.

So, I decided that in order for me to finally get moving and do something about this problem, I am going to commit to my readers.  Because if I don’t follow through I will embarrass myself and this is a small town.  I don’t want you bitches talking smack about me.  I say that in jest.  Love to you all.

I know I’m really putting myself out there.  I am being real and I am being honest.  I am sharing the bad and the ugly.  But I have zero drive and even less will power and I’m afraid if I don’t do something to make myself accountable, I will continue to be on the downward slope.  And I don’t ski.

So far today I have walked 3 miles in the freezing 25 degree weather, had a salad for lunch and drank more water than usual.  I’m off to a good start.  But it’s only day 1 and I still have to meet the girls tonight for my weekly “Monday Night with the Girls” ritual.  Wish me luck.

If you don’t mind, I will post a new pic each week to see if I’m changing for the better.  If you don’t want to look, please don’t.  I know it’s a lot to ask and I appreciate your support.  And who wants to look at me week after week?  I don’t.  That’s why I’m doing this.  Goodbye double chin.  You are no longer welcome.

McDeaf

images

“Welcome to McDonalds.  Can I take your order?”  Said the guy behind the speaker.

“Yes, I’ll take a #2 meal with a sprite.  A 5-piece chicken strip meal with a water and a crispy chicken honey mustard wrap with a coke.  That’s it.  Thank you.”  Said me.

“Would you like fries with the crispy chicken wrap?”

“No thanks.”

“So, you would like a #3 meal…”

“Um, no.  Not a #3.  A #2.”

“Oh.  So you want a chicken wrap meal…”

“No, not a meal.  Just the wrap and a coke, no fries.”

“Oh, sorry.  So you want a 5-piece chicken strip meal with a water and a crispy chicken meal with a coke.  Will that be all?”

“No, I also would like the #2 meal.  With a sprite.”

(Am I being Punk’d?  I looked around for Ashton Kutcher.)

“Oh ok.  Your order comes to $15.74.  Please drive up to window #1.”

Seriously, considering the ordering process didn’t go so well, we were only missing a coke.  Like my New Year’s eve experience with bad ice, I should have known and just drove out of the parking lot.  Why do I do this to myself?  The signs were once again as strong as Popeye on 50 pounds of spinach.

I’m supposed to be on a diet anyway, right?  It looks like that just got bumped back to March.  Darn.

Happy New Year! Now May I please have a cup of Dirty Ice?

Have you ever done something even when your gut told you not to?  Yeah, well, that is my life.  But yesterday was one of those days when I really should have listened to my gut, mostly because it was my “gut” that was going to suffer.

New Year’s Eve.  An evening that is shared with very good friends.  An evening that has been a tradition for years.  As I was running around in the afternoon picking up dessert and champagne for our traditional evening with our friends, I decided to stop into a McDonald’s drive through for a wee little cheeseburger and small soda (stop judging me, it was just a SMALL).  You know, something to hold me over because Lord knows the 20 tons of appetizers that I was to be ingesting in less than 4 hours just wasn’t enough.
The traffic was a bear.  I was having a hard time making a left into the parking lot.  I was behind schedule on my errands.  I’m supposed to be eating better.  There goes that voice again, “No Mo, Not A Good Idea.”  Oh screw the voice.  I’m hungry dammit and besides I’m not starting my diet until tomorrow.
One hour and one toilet later, me and my gut were still running, but not in the way you are thinking.  I will refrain from describing what was coming out of me.  Let’s just say it definitely wasn’t rainbows and unicorns.  So, was it the burger or the ice?  I don’t know but the regret monster was working double time.  My bad decision ran through me (pardon the pun) like a freight train on crack and in a short 3 hours I was ready to party.
Guess what was the first thing I did to ring in the new year?  Perhaps it was the vodka.  Was there ice in it?