Tag Archives: exercise

Look At Me When You Text

text and walkThere is this chick in my neighborhood who walks every single day.  Up this humongous hill that I have walked up (even run up in the day I was able to…sniff, sniff), but not without losing a lung.  She goes up and down over and over again.  This chick is in pretty good shape.  Walking up the hill of death would do that to you, I guess.

Anyway, we all know exercise can be rough.  It kinda sucks.  I do it because I really need my ass to stay as close to its original birthplace for as long as I can possibly keep it there and I also really hate the sound of my thighs rubbing together.  It’s a necessity at my age.

I carry one thing with me on my walk: my iPhone.  This is for a couple of reasons:

1) In the event I need to dial “911” in case some kook tries to steal me (because who wouldn’t want this, right?) or in case a coyote finds me delicious.  Yes, I actually imagine myself in an emergency situation and wonder how I would dial my phone while being eaten alive by wildlife.  In my brain, it doesn’t seem easy.  I also wonder if I would be able to climb a tree to get away.  This thought is followed up by another thought:  would this animal be able to also climb said tree?  Such a problem.  Wait…why do I exercise again?  Oh right, ass.

2) I cannot do an ounce of exercise without my beloved playlist playing through my earbuds. It just makes it that much less painful.  But I do not text and walk.  Okay, so that’s a lie.  I did last week.  Once.  Because once was enough after I realized that I cannot walk, look down and text at the same time without veering off into the middle of the street.  My walk quickly turned into a good game of “Chicken.”

So, anyway, my point was that this humongous-hill-exercising chick texts.  She does.  No, I do not stalk her.  I know this because every time I go out in my car and see her walking, she is looking down and texting on her phone.  EVERY FREAKING TIME, I KID YOU NOT.  Now, this woman is not real young.  She looks to be at least in her fifties.  Not that that makes much of a difference, but she should know better.  Don’t text and drive should also be a motto for walkers.  I don’t mean to judge her.  Maybe I’m just jealous because it’s quite obvious that I cannot do the two at once.  Maybe, also, I would like to know who she’s texting and what they are talking about.  It’s got to be intriguing, right?

Yesterday, The Kid and I ran into DSW and we noticed a young girl texting and walking through the parking lot.  I see this all the time.  The Kid actually pointed it out.  “Look mom, look at that girl texting while she is walking through the parking lot.”  “Pfffssh, can you imagine?”  I said to myself.  “Kid, who are you kidding?  Sometimes I feel like I need a chisel to get that little device out of your hands.”  Right.  Whatever.

I am in my late forties, okay?  I was brought up in an era where if we needed to get a message to someone, we had to use smoke signals.  No, no, just kidding.  But we did have two options:  a pay phone, or a phone that was attached to the wall in the kitchen with a 30 foot long curly cord that would reach down the hall and into the bathroom so that you could have privacy.  That’s it.

So, what happened to me?  Today, I find myself behaving like some of these kids.  The family could be sitting around watching HGTV and there I am.  Texting someone, checking Facebook or my junk email (because I only get junk email, can someone send me something legit?  Please?).  DH often asks me what I’m doing and if I can put my phone down please?  I sometimes even get a headache from it.  It’s so stupid.

This post has gone a bit off kilter here (what else is new?).  I’m trying to say that we are missing so much around us.  I know this isn’t new.  I’ve seen the Facebook status’ and memes and videos about it.  Everything that is going on around us is being missed because we can’t get our heads out of our phones.  It’s a problem.  For some, it’s worse than others.  I know the friends who don’t do it. Those are the ones who you text and it takes them 13 days to get back to you.  (Gawd, don’t they just annoy you???  I mean, who do they think they?  Having a life?)

So, I stand (or sit) here and declare that I am going to put my phone away.  I don’t want to miss anything else.  Especially what house they picked on House Hunters.  If you text me and I don’t get back to you right away, that’s why.  But if I do get back to you right away?  Well, it’s because I  just happened to have my phone on the table next to me by accident.

 

My Happy Place

It’s been a few months.  Five and half to be exact.  If you can remember that far back, my journey started in February (I Think It’s Time).  This is what I looked like:

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When I look at these photos, I am amazed at how out of shape I allowed myself to get.  At the time, I was both mentally and physically, for lack of a better word, off.  For example, almost every day after The Kid left for school, I would go back to bed and sleep half my day away, when I did finally get up, I didn’t care.  I was sad, I felt lethargic, useless, bored.  I ate 6-8 Tums a day because my meals basically consisted of a bagel and coffee for breakfast, a box of macaroni and cheese for lunch and for dinner I could eat Adam Richman from “Man vs. Food” under the table.  I didn’t exercise and my body would think I was nuts if I so much as looked at a blueberry.

But all that has changed.  This is me after 22 weeks and 4 days:

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When I started I was 154.6.  I am now 136.4.  It wasn’t easy.  I struggled.  I love to eat, so that was the biggest and most difficult challenge for me.  I exercise almost every day.  There are mornings when I am tired and would rather stay in bed because I closed at My Retail Job the night before and didn’t get home until midnight.  On those days, I force myself to get up and go exercise because I know how good I will feel after.  I sweat hard.  I drink water.  I feed my body 6-8 times a day with healthy and good foods.  I feel like I could conquer the world.  That I can achieve anything because my life change has given me my confidence back.  DH said I turned the clock back 20 years.  Awesome.  I love what I see in the mirror.  I haven’t had a Tums since February.  Because I don’t eat until I am busting at the seams.  You may think this is TMI, but I am also the best pooper ever.  The benefits are endless and bountiful.  I am in an incredible place.  I am happier than I’ve been in a long time.

I’d like to make a shout out to someone who I have not met personally yet but who has helped me to find my inner strength.  Her name is Susie.  She is mom blogger of www.not-your-average-mom.com.  When I was about 15 weeks into my “life change” (I don’t use the word “diet” because this is how I plan to live the rest of my life), she started a challenge called “Fit, Fierce and Fabulous” and I joined in (new session starts Monday, click on the link).  She pushed me to get my ass out of bed every day.  To fight for who I deserved to be.  I know I did the hard work, but I couldn’t have done it alone.  I am now officially addicted to exercise.  New European studies show that it takes 66 days to form a new habit.  I am living proof that this is a fact.

I have inspired many people.  I know this because these people have told me so.  I would have been happy to inspire just one.  Major bonus.  So, for those of you who say you can’t do it?  You are wrong.  You can do it.  Because I did it.  Make the decision now.  Not tomorrow, not Monday.  Now.  Get up.  Go for a walk.  Take small steps if you must, but take steps.  You will be happy you did.  Oh, and to answer the question I know you are all asking…the answer is yes.  I still drink my wine and eat potato chips.  But in moderation.  All in moderation.

I’ve Lost a Bowling Ball

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I know this is me. I promise to stop soon.

Remember my post on January 22nd about how I gained a bale of hay?  Well guess what?  I’ve started to lose some of that bale of hay.  How do I know?  Let me count the ways:

  1. I can actually get my wedding bands off without the use of motor oil.
  2. When I sit, people don’t rush up to me asking when the bakery opens.
  3. I now only have enough chins to share with 1 other person instead of 4.  Sorry people.  I am a registered organ donor, not a body part donor.
  4. I can fit a kitten in my bra, WITH my boobs in it.
  5. On the subject of bras…they now ride up on me.  Even on the tightest setting.  That poses a real problem at My Retail Job.
  6. I no longer need a shoe horn to get into my jeans.
  7. When I walk across the floor, objects don’t fall off the dresser.
  8. I haven’t been mistaken for a Chicago Bears Linebacker from behind in quite some time now.
  9. There is a dot of light coming through between the upper part of my thighs.  Enough to light the head of a pin.  But light just the same.
  10. My arms stop waving about 3 seconds sooner than before.

It would seem that I have lost the size of a bowling ball that is used by an average adult male.  I don’t know.  I think that’s pretty cool.  And that bowling ball is staying where it belongs…in the lane, the alley, the gutter.  Wherever.  Just not on me.  I’m good with that.  I’m happy with that.  So happy, I could go bowling.

How I Am Getting Healthy

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Mr. Martian enjoys my elliptical more than I do, I’m afraid to say

I posted today on my Facebook page that I lost 8 pounds.  One of my followers wanted me to share how I am doing it.  Basically for me, it’s a life change.  Not a diet.  Besides having high cholesterol and suffering from reflux, I am at the stage in my life where if I don’t start taking care of myself, the kid will have a problem on her hands.  I don’t want to be her problem. I would like to control what I can.  And I would like to enjoy my Golden Years when the time comes.  With my hubby.  Who is healthy.

Let me start by saying that I am a foodie.  A major foodie.  There isn’t a food I won’t try and there isn’t much I don’t like.  I’ll even eat it if it falls on the floor, has a little mold or is a bit past the expiration date.  Remember, I hate throwing food away.  And I’m gross.

I don’t believe in fad diets.  I’ve tried them all from cabbage soup to Atkins.  And then only to have every pound plus some jump back on me within a few short weeks.  Although it took me months to lose it.  I believe it’s a conspiracy.

So here’s what I am doing.  I cut a lot of fat from my diet.  I try to eat at least my daily allowance of fruits and vegetables.  I am eating a healthy snack that I enjoy in between my meals so I’m not starving when lunch and dinner comes along.  I LOVE me my carbs but they had to be reduced.  Reduced, not cut.  I am not into depriving myself of All Things I Love. That doesn’t work for me.  Like I said, I am a foodie.  Depriving a foodie is like depriving a fish of water.  Not a good outcome.

I don’t put a crapload of food on my plate like I used to.  I had a really bad habit of eating way beyond the point of being full.  You know that feeling where you just can’t move?  It’s completely unnecessary.  I haven’t done that in over 2 months and I couldn’t be better.  And I never need to reach for my bottle of Tums anymore.  Ever.

I abhor exercise, so I chose something I know I can do and stick with.  I walk 3 miles 4-5 times a week.  Fast walking.  With some hills.  I plug my earphones into my iPhone and go to town.  Before I know it, it’s 45 minutes later and I feel great.  It’s completely invigorating.  If it’s crappy outside, I try to get on my elliptical for 30 minutes.  I hate it.  It’s boring and there is no fresh air.  But at least I’m moving.  No more excuses.  I have grown tired of excuses.

I will be happy if I could lose another 8-10 pounds.  But I know my limits.  I will never have that 120 pound body ever again and I am at peace with it.  I will not lose weight that I know isn’t realistic for me.  I don’t need to look like a super model.  The point here is to get healthy.  Besides DH likes me with curves.  And who am I to deprive him?

These Boots Are NOT Made for Walking

As you know the kid is an irish dancer.  “Worlds” were held in Boston this year.  Our hotel was exactly 0.8 miles from the Hynes Convention Center.  Don’t ask me why, but I made that trip at least 6 times each way the first two days.  On the third day, I did the trip both ways twice plus one way back to the hotel to check out and head for home.  All the time walking it.  If you add in miscellaneous strolls, I walked at least 15 miles in a three day span.  Probably more.

Photo from the Fairmont Copley Hotel Website

Photo from the Fairmont Copley Hotel Website

At the hotel we stayed in, there was a rooftop gym.  The woman in the picture online looked like she was enjoying her workout so much while gazing out at the city.  I felt like I wanted to do that too.  So, as I was packing, I contemplated throwing in some workout clothes.  I said “contemplated.”  I didn’t actually do it.  The only footwear I packed were a pair of black riding boots and a pair of brown riding boots.

Warning:  Boots are not made for walking.  I don’t care what Nancy Sinatra says.  If I had just brought my workout clothes, I would have had my sneakers.  My nice, comfy, kooshie sneakers. And my feet would not have been battered, bruised and yes…bleeding.  On Day One I was the hare on a caffeine overdose.  By Day Three I was a 5″ stiletto wearing tortoise.   My feet were hating me and my brain was conjuring up images of my Nikes sitting on the floor of my closet crying for attention.

These are Lady Gaga's feet, not mine.  But you get the point.

These are Lady Gaga’s feet, not mine. But you get the point.

I am down 6.8 pounds since the start of my weight loss challenge.  After returning from my three day jaunt I didn’t gain an ounce.  Not one ounce.  I don’t need to say why I didn’t lose an ounce either.  I don’t care how much salmon and tuna I chose to eat for dinner.  I’m pretty sure the sauces weren’t made without their fair share of butter.  It also didn’t help that we stopped in a chocolate restaurant for a little treat.  Nothing like a white chocolate martini to end the day.  So, thank you Boston.  Thank you hotel.  Thank you convention center.  Thank you for the opportunity to walk off my sauces and chocolates.  My feet were sacrificed during the process, but I can live with that.

Skinny Scrapbooking

Honey, I’m ho-ome.  Did you miss me?  First, let me start by saying that I appreciate your patience and your loyalty.  Second, I know I said I was going to post a picture of myself each week of my weight loss but I’m not going to now.  You can’t really tell I’ve lost weight, actually you can’t tell at all.  So you will have to wait until there is a noticeable difference.  It could be a while.  I will keep you updated on my progress though.  Lucky you.

The last 2 weeks have been a bit difficult.  It didn’t go by without a struggle.  As you know, I went to a scrapbooking retreat for 3 days.  Let me tell you, that really put me to the test.  Let me also tell you that there was enough food to choke a horse.  And alcohol.  And….food.

There was this.  It was pretty much on this table the entire time:

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I took 2 cookies in a three day span.  And if you know me, that is really, really good.  But damn, I wanted that thing on the right so bad.  With it’s yummy cream cheese filling and Lord knows what else.

So, instead I snacked on this:

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Ok, so I ate a LOT of hummus, but it was definitely the better choice over potato chips and brownies.  I also ate a lot of veggies.  I have never been so “regular” in my life.

Friday night was pizza night, with salad.  I had a crapload of salad and a piece of pizza.  Ok, 2 pieces of pizza.  I know.  Not good.  But I am a 3-4 slice girl so in reality that is pretty good for me.  I just love to eat so much.  Generally, I eat more than DH.  That is why his stomach is a flat as a washboard and mine, well, isn’t.

Then there was the free breakfast buffet at the hotel.  I’m not talking danish and bagels either.  There was the whole kit and caboodle.  Three of my favorite breakfast foods were present: sausage, bacon and home fries.  There was even an omelet station.  I took not one single item from the “Food with Actual Taste” section. This is what I had both days with a side of fruit:

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As for alcohol?  Not one drop of wine.  But lots of drops of this:

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I had a free ticket to drink up because it said “Light” on the label, so I  had 2 glasses.  Ok,  I lie.  It was more like 4 glasses.  Each night.  4 BIG glasses.  As well as calories, it also must be light on the alcohol because after 4 glasses I didn’t even catch so much as a buzz so it was a complete waste.  I should have stuck to water.

Saturday morning I spent 45 minutes in the hotel gym.  All the while missing some really great scrapbooking demonstrations that the hostess was giving.  But I worked out.  Here I am on the incumbent bike.  I also did the treadmill and the elliptical.  I burned off 2 glasses of margaritas.  I know.  It’s a load of crap.  But I guess it’s better than nothing.

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So to recap.  I ate more than I wanted but less than I would have.  The same thing goes for alcohol. I worked out once.  Should have been twice.  But that’s ok.  I was there to scrapbook and be with friends.  As my girlfriends not so nicely put it.

When I returned home, I worked out every day (ok, I skipped Friday — big mistake), didn’t drink (oops, except Monday night — thank God for Bethany Frankel), ate enough vegetables to keep the farming industry in business for another 10 years and kept all bad, fattening and basically any food with flavor away from my mouth.  I am reading labels like a novel and giving the kid a hard time about all the crap that goes into HER mouth.  Let’s face it, she hasn’t taken after her dad in the eating department.

Oh, and I drank so much water, I felt like a fish.  Do fish actually drink water?

Oh, and I’ve lost 3.8 pounds.  I think that’s pretty good if I do say so myself.  I deserve a glass of wine.  Oh, oops.  I can’t.  Not for another 4 weeks.  It’s going to be a long month.

Broken Promises

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Happy New Year!  Or should I say Happy First Month of the New Year!  Like many, I wrote a list of new year’s resolutions for myself.  It looks like this:

  1. Start a blog
  2. Get a real job
  3. Eat more fruits and vegetables
  4. Eat less
  5. Exercise more
  6. Lose weight

Honestly, I don’t think that’s too much to ask of myself.  So, it has been exactly one month and this is what I have accomplished:

  1. Start a Blog – Well, yes. I did.  Yay for me.
  2. Get a real job – Um, I’ve sent in my resume to 2 places and tried to teach myself PowerPoint.  Does that count?
  3. Eat more fruits and veggies – If you count wine as a fruit, then resolution partially achieved.  If not, then….no.
  4. Eat less – Actually I’ve stopped grazing like a damn cow all day.  Ok, maybe I haven’t stopped exactly.  Let’s just say I’ve decreased the grazing a bit.  That is less, right?
  5. Exercise more – I should rephrase that to say “exercise.”  I went for a walk on January 30th.  Unless I continue to do so, that would be a big fat N-O.
  6. Lose weight – Since I basically failed at 3, 4 and 5, I guess it’s obvious what the answer is to #6.

About 3 years ago, I stopped making new year’s resolutions.  Because this is what inevitably happens.  I barely make it past day #1.  I guess because my list looks about the same every year and let’s face it, this girl likes her food.  And more than 1/2 of my resolutions pretty much involve food or the act of reducing food.

But this year was going to be different.  I was so sick of walking by those damn store mirrors and catching a glimpse of myself and being startled because that woman looks like me but couldn’t possibly be.  What I really should have as a resolution is to stop looking at myself in store mirrors.  Stupid store mirrors.  Those suckers ought to make us look like we lost 10 pounds, not gained 10 pounds.

So, instead of tossing the entire list out the window, I am going to start again today.  I’ll let you know how I’m doing in a month.  Do Bloody Mary’s count as a veggie?

Happy New Year! Now May I please have a cup of Dirty Ice?

Have you ever done something even when your gut told you not to?  Yeah, well, that is my life.  But yesterday was one of those days when I really should have listened to my gut, mostly because it was my “gut” that was going to suffer.

New Year’s Eve.  An evening that is shared with very good friends.  An evening that has been a tradition for years.  As I was running around in the afternoon picking up dessert and champagne for our traditional evening with our friends, I decided to stop into a McDonald’s drive through for a wee little cheeseburger and small soda (stop judging me, it was just a SMALL).  You know, something to hold me over because Lord knows the 20 tons of appetizers that I was to be ingesting in less than 4 hours just wasn’t enough.
The traffic was a bear.  I was having a hard time making a left into the parking lot.  I was behind schedule on my errands.  I’m supposed to be eating better.  There goes that voice again, “No Mo, Not A Good Idea.”  Oh screw the voice.  I’m hungry dammit and besides I’m not starting my diet until tomorrow.
One hour and one toilet later, me and my gut were still running, but not in the way you are thinking.  I will refrain from describing what was coming out of me.  Let’s just say it definitely wasn’t rainbows and unicorns.  So, was it the burger or the ice?  I don’t know but the regret monster was working double time.  My bad decision ran through me (pardon the pun) like a freight train on crack and in a short 3 hours I was ready to party.
Guess what was the first thing I did to ring in the new year?  Perhaps it was the vodka.  Was there ice in it?