I have some words of advice for women who use the bathroom at their child’s preschool during menstruation. Don’t put your tampon in the toilet. I actually broke my own rule this day. I usually never put a tampon in the toilet. Even if I was at Caldor. Or the mall. Or a campground. Because they are not good for the system, whether it be septic or sewer. I know, I was very thoughtful. Usually.
I was dropping The Kid off at her preschool when I realized I was having a problem down below. I found a bathroom in the hall and used it. The toilets were of the teeny tiny kind. The kind where when you sit, your knees hit your chin. And your ass cheeks hang over the side like a 1/4 Pounder shoved into a mini croissant. Unless you are 4, probably not a good idea to try. With or without your period.
I forgot my head, and suddenly realized I dropped the thing into the toilet. I flushed. It swirled around and around. Like the Merry-Go-Round at the mall. Needless to say, it didn’t go down. Another flush. And another ride around the rim it did. I started to break out in a major sweat. And felt like I had to poo (when I get really nervous, I get the sensation. And I’m not talking about that kind you have from being on top of a cool mountain).
Now, there was a way to rectify the situation. Stick my hand in and pull the sucker out, wrap it in toilet paper and toss it into the can. Garbage can. I even could have just left it there. No one would have been the wiser. But the old Catholic guilt was eating away at me. Instead, I proceeded to the office of the school’s Director and told her about my problem. There is nothing more embarrassing than having a woman who you do not know watch your bloody tampon do pirouettes in a toilet made for munchkins.
I got reprimanded. “Mrs. M., please do not use the children’s bathrooms anymore. We have toilets for big girl’s down the hall. And no tampons. Please.” I was expecting her to slap the back of my hand and send me to the corner. It was then that the thought of going fishing occurred to me.
Whenever I see the director around town, I literally run in the opposite direction. Or hide until she goes away. Not that she would remember that I was the tampon lady. But just in case. So, if you see me cowering at the local craft store between the acrylic and latex paints, you’ll know why.