Tag Archives: incontinence

Yellow Back Seats

keep-calm-and-pee-your-pants-4I want to apologize for not really being around. Besides my little Jeter post the other day, I’ve been out of commission. I’m not sure most of you know what happened. I talked about it on my Facebook page but I know not all of you follow me there.

The Kid was struck by a car a couple of weeks ago. She’s okay now. We had a scary night in ICU where I lost 20 years off my life, but she is a miracle really and is doing really, really great. So, now it’s back to normal. It’s good to be back.

I was reminded of a story from a very good friend of mine. This friend has been in my life since 1979. Probably the one person, besides my family, who I have known the longest.

As you know, I was supposed to be on the Dr. Oz show. I commented on my Facebook page about how I was going to pee my pants because I was so nervous. This has nothing to do with anything about what I am going to talk about, but since when do I not get off topic at least once during a post?

I never made it to the Dr. Oz show because the accident happened the night before. I know, tough decision. The Kid or Dr. Oz. Hmm. I mean I was in the city anyway. I’m kidding people.

So, getting back to my pee story from my youth. I have several pee stories but this one is particularly funny.

I was about 15 years old. I was hanging out with my oldest friend when her mom offered to take us to the local high school parking lot to let us practice driving. Yes, we were underage and without a permit but I think because of statute of limitations or something, all involved are protected.

My dear, oldest friend was a terrible driver (sorry J, but you did fail your driver’s test, remember? Was it twice? Hmm?). I was in the back seat, J and her mother were in front. Driving with J was like being on one of those bucking bronco guys set on the highest setting. I was being thrown all over the backseat (yes, this was also before seat belts were a big deal. And yes, I’m that old).

I tried so hard to hold it in, but I just couldn’t. I never laughed so hard. Okay, so that’s a lie. I have laughed as hard and peed too. Because I have a problem. And the problem has gotten worse since I bore my child because we all know what children do to our bodies.

Anyway, I let it out. All of it. All over the vinyl seat. But I didn’t worry. I knew it would dry up nice since it was vinyl. No one would notice. Except it was my turn to drive. When I got out and J’s mom climbed into the backseat so me and Jen could be up front, she saw it.

And gave out an, “Oh Mo! Not again!” Yes, again. I had done this before on her dining room chair, in her yard, on the floor. My friend J has this ability to make me laugh hard. Even now I have to strap on a Depends if I’m going to see her. Her laugh alone makes me lose it.

So yes, I have a problem. And I have many, many more stories just like that one. So please. If you are going to plan on being funny and making me laugh, just warn me ahead of time so I’m prepared. I should probably just start carrying around a diaper bag. Should I have it monogramed?

As far as my friend J is concerned? I hope you all have a J in your life. J’s are awesome. Love you girl.

 

Ur-ine Trouble

1344657727132_4438554

I’m one of those people who pee when I laugh too hard.  Ask any one of my close friends.  They know not to make me laugh until after I’ve emptied my bladder.  Even then, it could still happen.  There are certain friends who, when I have plans to see them, I have to carry a change of clothes with me.  You know who you are.

Now I have a new problem.  It literally started about a week ago.   If I wait too long to go, it just kind of comes out.  Look, I know I act immature, but this is ridiculous.  I feel like a damn toddler.

I was telling my mom about this new development.  She has the same problem.  The only difference is she’s pushing 67.  Mom’s always have the best advice.  She told me to start wearing these:

5374-d

Sex in a box.  30 of them.  I love how it says “Serenity” on the carton.  There was a time when that meant taking a long hot bubble bath because you’ve had a rough day.

The other problem I have with their advertisement is this:

Screen Shot 2013-02-09 at 1.26.36 PM

Remember this?

photo

Well, I peed a little there too.  It didn’t help that the kid was outside snapping pictures of me and having a good laugh at my expense.  That was not one of my finer moments.

Can you imagine me in, let’s say, 20 years?  Unpeelievable.