I love to tell The Kid stories from my youth. Of course, she could probably care less. I’m pretty sure most of my stories bore her to tears. But I trudge on. Not really caring what she thinks because she MUST know. I mean, there is no way she can go on without knowing what my life was like as a teen. I had no cell phone. I had no laptop. I had no texting. But do you know what I did have? Eyeliner pencil that was applied by heating it with a lighter.
I remember ducking into the girl’s bathroom between classes to reapply. Lighting the end of my liner pencil until it was soft. Pulling down my lower lid and applying hot, black, liquified liner to the inside of my eye. What is that part of the eye even called? I don’t know, but it was silly. What I did. What all of my female classmates did. And what you did. Because I know you did this exact same thing. Don’t try to deny it.
And if we forgot our liner at home, or lost it, or it was too short to use any longer, we would borrow a friends. Because we loved to share everything. Including Pink Eye. And another perk? Those cool little funky black dot floater things. Running all around the white part of our eyeballs. So sexy hot. Honestly, I don’t know how I wasn’t distracted by everything going on in there.
After reminiscing with myself about my beauty routine of 1984, I wondered if anyone still does this? So I did a little Google search. And the answer is “yes.” This silly little beauty ritual is still practiced today by some. But I think I’ll stick with eyeshadow. It’s fast, easy and foolproof. I don’t need a steady hand. And I happen to like my eyeballs where they are. Droopy eyelids included.
Over the summer, a good friend who sells Mary Kay gave me a free lip gloss for being such a good customer. One morning as I was getting ready for the day, I put it on. I’d been dying to wear it. UGH! “What the hell? I loved the sample size when I tried it, why does it look so different? In fact, this looks like lip gloss for dark colored skin.”
I immediately texted my friend and complained to her that she sent me the wrong item. I was so disappointed because she lives in another state and getting the correct item was not going to be as simple as driving over to her house.
Here are our text exchanges from July 29. Lucky for me I never delete my messages:
Me: I hate to sound like an ingrate, but I don’t like the lip color you sent me. It’s awful.
Jen: Really??? I’m sorry.
Me: I went to put it on for the first time this morning and it just looks terrible on me.
Jen: But it barely has any color. I thought it was what you were looking for. Go on my website and pick a different one and I’ll send it to you asap.
Me: When I put it on it was so incredibly dark. There must have been a miscommunication cuz there is no way I would have wanted that one unless it’s different once it’s on. Is this gonna cost u money? I don’t want that to happen.
Jen: No not at all. What is the name of it? Maybe I made a mistake.
Me: LMFAO!!!! Don’t kill me….it’s EYE SHADOW. Oops! I grabbed the wrong one out of the drawer. I was wondering why it was so dry!!!
Jen: ROFL. hahahahaha. You are sooooo silly.
Me: Oh duh, that lip gloss you sent me is in my pocketbook. I’ve been using it for a week.
Jen: Are you drinking?
No, I wasn’t drinking, but maybe I should have been.