Have you seen pregnant women these days? I see them all the time at My Retail Job. They are cute as a damn button. Cute.as.a.button. Why? Because maternity wear designers stopped making tents. Either that or tent designers stopped making maternity wear. I’m glad for the modern pregnant lady. I’m also a bit jealous. 15 years ago, all that was available was the Coleman Special XXL.
I was so excited to start showing. I couldn’t wait to wear maternity wear. Because I was so impatient, I would go into a dressing room and strap on whatever size belly I wanted and had at it. As I tried on one dress, or shirt or pants after another, I felt more and more horrible.
All DH heard from the other side of the curtain was “Oh God”, “ooohhhhh no”, “Give me a break”, “Dear Lord”, “You’ve got to be kidding”, “What the f***” (before WTF was fashionable) and finally “I give up.” He would feverishly bring me more and more things to try on. I remember it just getting worse and worse. One tent was as awful and ugly as the next. And lest I remind you, I wasn’t even big yet. I hadn’t gained much weight. I was barely showing. My booty was still a size Small, so were my thighs, arms and boobs. You can just imagine how these articles of clothing looked on me when I was showing. Lucky for you, I have attached a pic. Enjoy:
So, today’s expectant mom? I guess I just should have thrown on a t-shirt from my drawer. Or a wrap-dress from my closet. Because that is basically what they are wearing. These new age maternity clothes are fitted and flattering. Seriously. Why didn’t I think of that? Can I rewind time? Can I ask for my uterus back? Because I want a do-over.