Tag Archives: maternity wear

Maternity Wear Third Floor

Have you seen pregnant women these days?  I see them all the time at My Retail Job.  They are cute as a damn button. Cute.as.a.button.  Why?  Because maternity wear designers stopped making tents.  Either that or tent designers stopped making maternity wear.  I’m glad for the modern pregnant lady.  I’m also a bit jealous.  15 years ago, all that was available was the Coleman Special XXL.

I was so excited to start showing.  I couldn’t wait to wear maternity wear.  Because I was so impatient, I would go into a dressing room and strap on whatever size belly I wanted and had at it.  As I tried on one dress, or shirt or pants after another, I felt more and more horrible.

All DH heard from the other side of the curtain was “Oh God”, “ooohhhhh no”, “Give me a break”, “Dear Lord”, “You’ve got to be kidding”, “What the f***” (before WTF was fashionable) and finally “I give up.”  He would feverishly bring me more and more things to try on.  I remember it just getting worse and worse.  One tent was as awful and ugly as the next.  And lest I remind you, I wasn’t even big yet.  I hadn’t gained much weight.  I was barely showing.  My booty was still a size Small, so were my thighs, arms and boobs.  You can just imagine how these articles of clothing looked on me when I was showing.  Lucky for you, I have attached a pic.  Enjoy:

photo

Maybe a belt would have made things better. But probably not.

photo

So, today’s expectant mom?  I guess I just should have thrown on a t-shirt from my drawer.  Or a wrap-dress from my closet.  Because that is basically what they are wearing.  These new age maternity clothes are fitted and flattering.  Seriously.  Why didn’t I think of that?  Can I rewind time?  Can I ask for my uterus back?  Because I want a do-over.

I swear I had a dress just like this.

I swear I had a dress just like this.and 14 of these

…and 20 of these.