What I saw at the grocery store on the day before the prediction of a major snow storm:
- A parking lot that looks like the parking lot of the Staples Center before a Justin Bieber concert.
- Half of America.
- A truck spraying “de-icer” out of the back of it that smells like dog shit. No really. Dog Shit. I had to look at the bottom of my shoes before I realized where the smell was coming from.
- An old Cadillac with the rearview mirror dangling, the windows wide open, and a large wagon attached to it that said “Red Flyer” on the side. I didn’t think they made them that big. He was parked on the curb. He must be one of those survivalist people. Dude, you’ll be able to get out of your house by Saturday, I’m sure of it.
- A woman proclaiming in the loudest voice she could to her daughter how sick she was. “Cough, cough. I really don’t feel good. Hack, hack. I don’t feel like being here. Phlegm and sniff. ” All over the cucumbers. And cucumbers were on my list.
- Something that sounded like a freight train in the isle next to the peanut butter. I was afraid to look.
- Every single register was opened and the lines were snaking around into the isles. What was weird is that people were actually jolly. Hmm. Good for them. Keep your jolliness to yourself. I don’t want to see it.
- A woman buying a 50 pound bag of dog food. In case she gets stuck in her house for 3 months. At least her dog will live. Unless her pup is willing to share.
Last but not least, me. I saw ME at the store. What the hell am I thinking? Going to the grocery store the day before the storm from hell is supposed to hit? I hate grocery shopping on a good day. I make fun of the people who go to the grocery store the day before a major storm. Well, I guess if I looked at the news more than once a year, I would have known and gone yesterday.
But It’s going to blow over. Want to know why? Because I was at the store buying enough shit to last my family and me a week. With half of America. That’s why. You can thank me later.