Don’t Blame the Dog


Broke wind.  Cut the cheese. Tooted.  Fluffed.  Anyway you say it, it’s funny.  I am a middle-aged woman and I literally Laugh Out Loud whenever I hear someone tell a fart joke or even fart themselves.  Hell, I laugh when I fa…umm, pass gas.

But come on.  It’s freaking hilarious.  That crap (pun?) is funny.  In the late 70’s, Gilda Radner’s character from SNL — Roseanna Roseannadanna — did a commencement skit.  Love that woman.  We were truly blessed with her talent.  I miss her.  But I digress.  Here’s a clip in case you had the misfortune of missing it.  Her fart joke is around minute 4.  So fast forward to it if you must.  You will not be disappointed.

I have many fart stories.  From my teenage dad farting into a bottle and creating a fire-show to being the victim of a Dutch Oven (look it up).  How about “window shopping?”  You know.  When you have to pass a bit of gas and you stop to look at a window display.  Squeezing your cheeks.  Making it as silent and less-deadly as possible.  Of course, it only works if there is a window nearby.  Otherwise, I say just let ‘er rip and bomb the people behind you.  Who’s going to know where it came from anyway?  Remember the old adage — the one who smelt it dealt it.  If you keep your mouth shut, you’ll never get blamed.

So people, cutting the cheese is a natural part of life.  The Queen of England does it (although hers may smell like crumpets).  Angelina Jolie does it.  Even…yes ladies…Channing Tatum.  Just don’t do it front of me.  Because I have a bladder problem.  And THAT’S not funny.  Ok, maybe it is.  Butt just a little.