Like every other normal red-blooded American, I have my pet peeves. Some I feel more strongly about than others, but they are all there. In their hairy glory. Tell me if you can relate to any of these. By the way, they are in no particular order. They are random, just like me.
- If I can’t see your bumper but can see your nose hair, you are following too closely. Especially when you are a 16 year old kid who is driving on MY street. Particularly when I am forced to scream out the window “Are you F***ing kidding me?” as you are trying to pass. With my child and two other children in the car. Classic “Mother of the Year” moment. I am proud. Sorry dad. It just kinda came out.
- 40 something year old mothers who scream obscenities and don’t act their age.
- People who text and drive. Sure, I’ll share my lane with you. No problem. I didn’t need my life anyway.
- The same telemarketer who insists on calling and calling and calling. Newsflash: There’s this thing called Caller I.D. It’s been around for a really long time. If I wanted to talk to you, I’d pick up the phone. I promise.
- People who have an entire, really LOUD conversation on their cell phone in a public place. I do not care to hear that you’re meeting Apple for a drink (don’t you also hate it when celebrities name their children really stupid names? No, I did not hear Gwyneth on her cell phone. I just wanted to get that peeve in there without making another bullet. That was swift of me, wasn’t it?). Just for the record, I have talked on the phone in a public place, but it’s quietly and quickly. But that’s acceptable. I just made up my own rule. But that’s okay because it’s my pet peeve.
- The invitation for dinner is at 7:30 not 8. Learn how to tell time or get a new watch.
- This one goes out to DH. Sorry, honey. Love you, but stop throwing away the expired milk. It’s only been bad for a day. Or two. I mean, come on babe. It doesn’t even have green fuzz yet.
- I feel so strongly about this one, that I believe I actually wrote a blog on it. Incorrect grammar. It’s, its, their, they’re, there, to, too. I could go on and on. And I see it EVERY SINGLE DAY on Facebook. If you notice that I am no longer your “friend,” then you’ll understand why. You are in my mental jail for “Grammar Delinquents.”
- Line cutters. I carry Mace in my bag and I’m not afraid to use it. Okay, I don’t. I just always wanted to say that. Just don’t cut me and pretend you didn’t see me. Or I may kick your ass. Okay, I won’t. Just don’t cut me. Or else. I may give you dirty looks behind your back.
- “Curb Your Dog” doesn’t mean to crap your dog on the curb and leave it there. Really. Look it up. The outdoors is for everyone to enjoy. It is not a toilet, so don’t treat it that way. It would be great fun to dump craploads of dog shit on their lawns, wouldn’t it? Do I sound bitter?
I know you do not have all day listening to me rant about my grievances so I will stop here. Just don’t cut me in line. You just don’t know what I’m capable of. If looks could kill.