Tag Archives: snow

Oh Pool Boy, Another Margarita Over Here…I’m On Brain-cation

Look, I know I’m not alone when I say that I am so damn sick of this ever-loving winter that seems to be droning on and on and on.  I can’t seem to look out the window without seeing a flake fall from the sky.  And the piles of snow?  Really.  Where are we supposed to put it all?  Is there a snow dump we don’t know about?

The sky just keeps vomiting snow.  We are in some serious danger of drowning in the shit.  Shit.  Yes, I said it.  Because that’s what it looks like after mere hours after it stops.  The white turns brown and gets all over our cars, our boots, our pants.  I have permanent snow shit on the back of a brand new pair of slacks I recently splurged on.  I even tried getting out the snow poo with OxyClean.  It didn’t work.  I may send Mother Nature the dry cleaning bill.  And charge her extra for pain and  suffering.

I can see you all rolling your eyeballs at me.  “Shut up already.  We know you are annoyed.  You’ve said it a thousand times in the last month.  Embrace it, lady.”  Well, guess what?  I don’t want to embrace it.  I’m done embracing it.  Besides, I’m not a hugger.  Okay, well that’s not entirely true.  I am.  Sometimes.

Which brings me to my next thought…vacation.  I want one.  I don’t care what I have to do to get myself one.  I’m not talking about a weekend in Maine.  Or 4 days in the Poconos.  I’m talking full on Caribbean island I don’t care where as long as there are 80 degree days, trade winds, white sand, the ocean and a drink boy.  Or drink girl for that matter.  As long as he/she is capable of carrying a margarita on a tray without spilling a drop.  I’ll tip generously, I promise.  The only ice I want to see from here on out is the ice in my drink.  Or I may lose my mind.

Am I going on vacation?  No.  There’s school for The Kid.  Work for DH.  And me?  Well, I’m kind of free but no one is available to take me.  The only vacation I’m going on is the vacation inside my head.  It’s not that bad.  If I sit in the window facing due West at about 2:26pm with a pair of sunglasses on I do a pretty good impression of the summertime me sitting on a beach.  Accompanied by palm trees, salty air and seagulls.

Except that would be a margarita and I would be glasses of the shaded kind.

My brain-cation sunny spot.  Except that would be a margarita and I would be wearing glasses of the shaded kind.

Unfortunately, the sun has to be out so my mind vacation doesn’t happen often.  But when it does, boy is there a party up in there.  Who wants to join me?  I’ll bring the tequila.

This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.  The word “Vacation”… 

Mama’s Losin’ It

Old Man Winter Must Die

hfd

That dark blue crap right there means “Heavy.” Awesome.

I live in the NorthEast.  Last week we had 50 degree weather.  It was awesome.  I took my walks with no coat, ate lunch on the sidewalk of New York City and drove with my windows open.

I am currently looking out my window.  They said there would be snow.  Mixed with ice.  And sleet.  And I’m thinking this is all a cruel joke.  It’s as if winter is mocking us.

I know I’m being a total ingrate.  Last winter it barely snowed at all.  Well, if you don’t count October.  But technically that isn’t winter.  If we didn’t have October, the kids would have gotten out of school on the original last-day-of-school date.  Or pretty damn close to it.  Stupid October.

If I sound bitter, that’s because I am.  I’m tired of the teases.  It’s worse than the proverbial dangling carrot.  I’m on a diet.  So I will compare it to someone putting a plate full of nachos with oozy cheese and greasy beef piled high with sour cream and a pitcher of margaritas with a salt shaker in front of me knowing I can’t touch it (ok, shouldn’t touch it — we all know I probably would).  It’s cruel and unusual.

Didn’t the groundhog say spring was coming early?  I think Phil needs to die with Old Man Winter.  Sorry animal lovers.  I do mean it in a joking way.  So don’t get all PETA on me. Thanks and don’t remove your snow tires yet.  You’ll be needing them.