I have a slight problem. That problem would be the extra skin, flab, lard, fat — more affectionately known as “The Muffin Top” — around my midsection. Really. I’m not running a bakery, so what gives?
Every day, I agonize over getting dressed. Now of course, if I were willing to give up my size 6 jeans and give in to my “real” size (that would be an 8 or…cough, cough…a 10) I wouldn’t have the problem of spillage. Yes, I can get them zippered and buttoned. But only after a few squats, stretches and very — and I mean VERY — deep inhales. The wondrous sight that awaits me is not pretty. Let me introduce you to my BFF — the loose fitting top with the elastic around the waist, so it doesn’t show belly you wouldn’t want your own mother to see.
Over the summer I attended a wedding. I kid you not, I had to pour myself into not one, but TWO spanx-like devices so that my tummy would appear slimmer. Forget about sitting down all day. And using the bathroom? Well, let me just say when I excused myself to relieve the bladder, my DH was close to sending out a search team. I do appreciate the Spanx. ALOT. Thank you to the brilliant person who invented them. I really do LOVE you! (Disclaimer: if someone tries to hug you, brush up against you, or even get within arms length of you while wearing these contraptions, your cover is totally blown.)
So why buy bigger jeans and possibly look better too? Because I’ve got it under “control.” And anyway, I’m going on a diet Monday. Nachos anyone?