It’s funny the crap that creeps into your brain while you are sitting about trying to recuperate from surgery. With too much time on my hands, my brain is literally having a conversation with itself. Honestly, I’m afraid of short circuiting it. There hasn’t been this much activity since The Kid tried to teach me how to do the new fangled way of figuring out division.
- Gawd, I’m getting a little sick of a song always playing in my head. Actually, now that I think about it, there have been rare times when there was just empty vastness. But then as soon as my brain realizes that, “Copacabana” rushes up in there and fills that empty space. I would prefer something soothing. Like “California Dreamin’.” “All the leaves are brown/her name was Lola, she was a showgirl/the preacher likes the cold/She would merengue and do the cha-cha.” Darnit. Barry Manilow wins every time. No amount of inner brain song screaming makes Lola go away.
- Am I supposed to still have that swelling? Is that normal swelling or could there be water in there? If I stick a pin in my skin, will I get a bath? Ohmygod. I feel nauseous. Ohmygod. Ewww. Think of something else. Think of something else. “Her name was Lola…”
- What’s on TV? Dr. Phil. Nope. Don’t like him anymore. Dr. Oz. Nope. Boring. Program about murders. Nope. Depressing. The Brady Bunch. Now you’re talking. I wonder which episode it is? I really liked the one where they went to Hawaii. I remember Hawaii Five O. I never really watched that show but I did like Charlie’s Angels. Farrah Fawcett was the best. When she left I didn’t watch it anymore. I remember my brother had that poster in his room of her. You could spell SEX in her hair. Man, do I need my hair cut.
- I wonder if I will injure myself if I walk up the stairs like a normal person. Or at least try to go up the stairs like a normal person. (insert sudden image of me falling backwards down steps) Ooh. Probably not a good idea.
- That magazine on the coffee table is kinda hanging over the edge. It’s really bugging me. Bad. I should get up and push it over. (two hours later) That magazine is really bugging me. I should get up and push it over. (getting up to pee and sitting back down) I forgot to push that darn magazine over.
- Now when I go to a new doctor and I have to fill out the paperwork, I have to add this to my list. I remember when all I had on my list was nothing. I was pretty proud of that nothing. No. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.
- Does a tree make a sound if it falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it?
- Some people suck poppycock. What is poppycock? Isn’t it candy or something? Hmmm, I wonder if we sell poppycock at My Retail Job? I wonder if they miss me at My Retail Job. I should go in there tomorrow and say hi. Nah, I need gas.
- I really, really need to get my hair cut and colored. Hmm. When should I make the appointment? Definitely before I go to Rhode Island. Oh crap. That’s in two weeks. Can I sit in that chair for 2 hours? With my knee bent? I wonder if they have a hassock I can rest my leg on? My upper lip needs a good waxing. How am I going to shave my bad knee? Oh my God. I am going to Rhode Island in 2 weeks. I’m not going to be able to run around like I usually do. What if someone bumps into me? Maybe I should have waited to schedule my surgery. Think I’ll be able to go Christmas shopping?
- Man, I’m getting sick of laying on my back. I wonder if I can get some pillows and put them between my knees so I can sleep on my side. Sleeping on your side adds wrinkles. And my arm gets numb. I wonder when I’ll be able to sleep on my stomach again? I really need to sleep on my stomach. I really need to. I think I’m going to have a panic attack.
- Ooh, I love it when House Hunters is in Italy. I would love to retire to Italy. I really should start that Rosetta Stone DH got me for my birthday. But if I learn italian now, I know I’ll forget it. When are we retiring? Let’s see, I’m 46 now. DH is 52. He probably should be done working by the time he’s 65 so that’s in 52 to 62 plus 3 is 13 years. Right? Did I do that math right? I have plenty of time. Well maybe Italy could just be a vacation. A nice warm tropical place would be really nice to live. On the beach. Think there will be drink boys there?
Okay, that was exhausting. I don’t know about you but I need a nap. Honestly, I have been thinking way too much. I need to go back to work and cut this crap off. Wait, when am I going back to work? Will I be able to stand for a long time? What if my knee locks up? “The hottest spot north of Havana…”