Hate. It’s a very strong word. I was brought up to never use that word. I was and am never to hate anyone. But I’m getting a pass here because Walmart isn’t a person. It is a thing. And I HATE this thing. All caps. I used to dislike Walmart immensely. Until a couple of days ago. On Easter Sunday, a day that is all about faith, love and celebration, I decided I would turn my disdain into pure, unadulterated hatred.
Sure, it’s partially my fault. I was assigned a salad to bring to a family Easter gathering. But I’m only partially at fault. I’m sure of it. Anyway, as I’m walking out the door (I went solo because The Kid was home sick with tonsillitis, strep throat and a fever and DH won the job of caretaker), I realized that I completely forgot the dressing for the salad. It’s a salad I make all the time and that I like to use a specific dressing for. But I forget this dressing. Why and uh, Duh?
I’m an ass. Immediately, I thought it would just require a quick stop into Shop Rite and I could be on my way. But no. Shop Rite was closed. I ran into the Panera next door hoping they would sell me some dressing. No, they wouldn’t. Bastards. Oh, there’s Target. Target never closes. This I know because that was the place of My Retail Job for over 9 months and they never close. Guess what? They do on Easter. Huh. Xpect Discounts — nope. Super Stop and Shop? No no NO.
As I pass the Walmart, I see that this lovely is open. I am flooded with relief mixed with complete and utter dread. From the road, it appeared that every Tom, Dick and Harry in the Free World PLUS each creature, living and dead, of and in the entire Universe is there.
After fighting off and pushing through a zillion people, I find the dressing aisle. Of course, I have to settle on whatever dressing they have which was NOT the dressing I wanted, but whatever. So there I am, standing in line at Walmart with my one item.
And here is why I now HATE, not just loathe, but HATE Walmart:
- The fact that they are the only store within miles open on Easter really sucks poppycock. I should love them for this, but I don’t.
- The fact that I have to push through a zillion people just to get a freaking 2 dollar bottle of salad dressing. And then stand on the stupid zillion person line to purchase this 2 dollar bottle of wine. Oops, did I just say wine? Silly me. I mean dressing…makes me want to…um, drink a bottle of wine? Yes, indeed.
- There were plenty of registers open, but every line snaked halfway to the back of the store. Do you know why? See #4.
- The guy on my register was in absolutely no rush. Nope. Apparently, he didn’t have to rush home to an Easter dinner with family. And no amount of staring, bitching or pleading was going to make him go any faster. “Oh, this is a lovely dish towel…beep. This is a great price for these socks…beep…” MOVE IT ALONG, MAN!
- I have black and blues from all the millions of times the little girl behind me hit me with her pile of $1 chocolate bunnies and fruit snacks. She apologized the first time, but continued to do it. STAND BACK CHICK OR SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET HURT. I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE TEN!
- It was a day for children to be let loose in the store. Not only are the children loose but they like to carry loose change. Only loose change for these certain three boys who were buying a crapload of candy for themselves. Yup. I’m pretty sure my register guy counted it correctly after the third attempt. “Two dollars and fifty-three cents, two dollars and fifty-four cents, two dollars and fifty…oops, where was I?”
- Why do people insist on bringing more than 8 items to the Express checkout lane? It’s just not fair. Honestly, if I weren’t in such a rush, I would have snitched. Probably. Well, maybe. Umm, most likely not. I’m passive aggressive like that.
- Walmart did not…repeat…did not carry MY salad dressing. Had I have known, I would have grabbed one of the 40 bottles of unopened dressing in my pantry. But don’t feel bad, Mister Walmart. Totally not your fault.
- Their parking lot blows chunks and I can never find my car. And the fact that I had to park a mile away from the store entrance, does not help their case.
- This post should be called “9 Reasons Why I HATE Walmart” because that’s really all I got.
When I reached my sister-in-law’s house and ranted about my holy hell Walmart experience, she simply said, “you should have called me. I’m sure I have salad dressing here.” Oh. Rant over. Next year I won’t forget the salad dressing. Lesson learned. I hope.