Twitter Twatter Tweet


A few months ago I opened a Twitter account. I only did it because of my blog. I’ve read that it’s one of a bazillion on-line social media outlets that you need to help you to be successful, blah blah. I don’t have many followers. Barely 90. I would think that would be a lot if it were my own personal Twitter account. But it’s not. I am painfully aware that 90 is nothing for the purpose of its creation.

Here’s my problem: I don’t know how to use it. My daughter tries to show me. I just don’t get the hashtag, the retweet, the favorite. And reply? It scares the crap out of me. Recently, I thought this chick was talking to me personally so I replied to her. The daughter berated me and basically said I was embarrassing. Whatever.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I really don’t understand that whole Twitter party thing. I like parties. No, let me rephrase that. I LOVE parties. I am The Party Girl. This party? Umm, no. Not for me. I can’t seem to find my way to the front door. Which is okay, because I don’t think they serve wine anyway.

Can I confess something without being stoned to death? I hate Twitter. I am a Twitter degenerate. Every single time I go in there, I am bombarded with tweets from the 104 people I am following. It could quite possibly take me a full day to catch up on my tweets. And what if I like something? What do I do? I’m afraid of doing something I can’t take back.

And what the hell would anybody who is following me find so interesting in what I have to say? “Oh, I just lost 5 pounds cuz I pooped for the first time in three days?” Oh, yeah. Compelling. Some people are so damn creative and funny. When I read some tweets, I laugh and then think, “gee, why didn’t I think of that?”

Also, if I do want to say something, it’s usually a lot. I like Facebook because I can chat to my heart’s content. Twitter? I think I get like 20 characters or something. Okay, so I’m exaggerating. Still. Not enough. Hello? Have you met me?

So, here I am. Letting days or even weeks go by before I look at my Twitter because I am afraid of it. Every time I look at my iPhone and I see that little birdie sitting there, mocking me, I break out in a sweat. In the last three minutes, I have gotten like 23 notifications. Oh sorry, I believe I’m using the incorrect terminology. “Tweets.” Good Lord. What do I do with them all?

This thought process brings me to other thought processes like whatever happened to the good old days where everything was so easy? I miss rotary phones, beepers and Kodak film.

What was the hottest thing in technology when I was 15? A Walkman. I would walk around with my Walkman and listen to music and not share it with a bazillion (90) other people. And that’s a good thing, right? Back in the day when the tweet came from Polly the Parakeet. I think I like that better.


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11 Replies to “Twitter Twatter Tweet”

  1. I haven’t joined Twitter. Partially for a reason or two you listed, mostly because I know I just don’t want to be that super involved. I can’t. I simply cannot be part of so much. There’s not enough space or time or energy for it. Sometimes I think I need to join Twitter or Instagram, but I’m not ready…and so I don’t. Oh well!

    Good old days sometimes would be great 🙂
    Life Breath Present recently posted…Share Your World – 2014 – Week 19My Profile

    1. It is so darn time consuming. I can’t take it. I’d rather spend my time writing, being more productive in other ways. They can keep Twitter!

  2. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel Exactly the same way! And no one else seems to get it! Like you, I joined for my blog, but it would be a full time job to keep up over there. And knowing what to tweet? Or retweet? I think a favorite is like a fb like, right? So, I’ve tried it…and I don’t like it. But I keep finding my way back there every now and again to keep trying it to see if I can figure it out. Actually, I think I’ll tweet a link to your article now 😀
    Rhonda recently posted…Are People Responsible For Their Thoughts, Actions, or Neither?My Profile

    1. OMG, I am so happy that I’m not alone. I feel kinda the same way about Instagram too, but just not as bad. Do we have to do it? No, I don’t wanna. Thanks for the retweet, by the way. I don’t know how you did it, but I appreciate it. Lol!

  3. I think you have to use whatever social media platform works best for you. None of us can use them all! That said.. have you tried hootsuite? Twitter made no sense to me until I started using it. That way, you can have different columns for people you follow, your mentions, your tweets, a hashtag you are following- and be able to see them all at once. It keeps things more organized.

  4. I joined Twitter YEARS before I actually started using because, like you, I totally didn’t get it at first. Thought it was way stupid. But when I started blogging, I gave it a second chance, and GOT IT. You just have to play around. You won’t break it! Also, you don’t have to sit there and stare at all the tweets you see streaming by all day long. No. You go on Twitter when you’re bored and need something to entertain you. And to share your blog posts and maybe other blogger’s posts. Maybe once in awhile you do think of something clever-ish to say….tweet it!

    Really, it can be very fun. 🙂
    Jennifer Hall recently posted…The View From Here: Nothing New About BullyingMy Profile

    1. I think that’s why I feel pressure. Everyone seems to be posting something by the minute. I’m just not that creative or witty. Once a week? Maybe.

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