10 things you need to know about me before you become my friend:
- I pee when I laugh too hard. I’ve been known to run to the toilet and pee through my pants to save a carpet. Just ask my best girlfriend P (“P”. Haha).
- I love to eat. I am capable of breaking the diets of close friends because I am a really bad influence. Even if you think you are focused. I’m not kidding. Let that be your warning.
- I can be a bit of a hypochondriac. Remember my eye dotty thing? I really thought I would die and started planning my funeral in my head. It was beautiful.
- I am laid back but prone to anxiety attacks (isn’t that an oxymoron?). Mainly because I’ve eaten a pound of nachos with a shitload of sour cream for dinner and I’m afraid I will keel over of a heart attack in my sleep.
- Don’t tell my mother but I would prefer to watch The Housewives of NYC than the State of the Union speech.
- I am peri-menopausal and will wake up in a pool of sweat deeper than the pool at the “Y”.
- I have the memory of a goldfish. You will find that out if you make plans with me and I forget.
- I suffer from FIMD — Foot in Mouth Disease. I am extremely inappropriate, loud mouthed and obnoxious. You never know what will come out of my mouth so beware.
- I snore. Bring a pair of earplugs if you stay over because otherwise you will think someone is cutting wood with a jackhammer. DH hasn’t slept since 1992.
- I think Robert Redford is hot even though he is so old he is moldy. Oh, Hubbell.
Even after knowing all that, I hope you still will be my friend. I’m really putting myself out there. What do I need to know to be your friend?